Perfectly Sober?

Life is a strange thing allright, it tells you not to get drunk, but gives you a hundred reasons just to be that. Yesterday and today morning gave me the reasons, and now here I am blogging drunk. Atleast I'm sober enough to put sentences in place and I know i've spelled something wrong when the red outline sparks in my face, and that's been happening for quite a while. So why did I arrange the sudden meeting with the bottle?

It's her, and it's us. Rukshi, and the Prefects guild. The two reasons.

First of all seeing her depressed like that, and for some god-damned reason knowing that I have a lot to do with that, makes me blank in thought and in action. The way I've been thought the bodily cause of depression is an influx of serotonin. Really? Screw that, the main cause of depression is the musings revolving around your loved ones. The things that we realize we can't change and we shouldn't. She came up to me and said something that blew me away, if only I could tell her that she shouldn't be sorry, I know she really wanted to tell me something afterschool, but she blurted out just one sentence. One bizarre sentence. I've thought about this enough to build a barge of thoughts, and I still don't know whether i'm ready to set it sail away from the harbor of my heart. Only time will tell?

Secondly, the battering the prefects got from high above. This has become a daily routine within the guild, and I just can't think through on how to put things right. But hey, it's part and parcel of the package I guess. But to me, it's all my fault, I guess I'm not cut out for this whole leading up front business. It just might not be my cup of tea. I try so hard to balance our duties and at the same time make sure that nobody gets hurt in heart. Because my heart has been seared several times and the wounds are still to be healed, and I know what it feels like. I hope my prefects still have faith in me. Will they?

It's less than an hour since the happy water passed my throat, and my head still tips up and down, i certainly can't walk in a straight line, and I made it a point not to look at my mum while talking to her, but I'm perfectly sober within.

What happened in the end, we all got together and put tomorrow in the bottle. Have you ever realized that there is no tomorrow? It's just a condition. Today is today, and as soon as the clock strikes 12.00 it still is today, and not tomorrow. So why worry about a condition, when you can live the moment, live it!

Sadface

Outside my door,

If ever lay hope,

Curled up in sleep,

There you will be,

Giving elixir,

To my broken mornings,

As you ever so solemnly,

Bequeath to me,

A sleepy greeting.

As the dark pearl,

Beholds great charm,

As the barren land,

Beholds abundant life,

As the cold mine,

Beholds pure coal,

Your sad face,

Beholds loving embrace.

There was that time,

You romped and played,

With your kind,

With our hearts,

But you were left helpless,

Against the dogs,

Who Stained your childhood,

Made you bear their future.

And now you lay,

In pain and sorrow,

Afraid to loose,

What you never had,

The lives that grow inside you,

Have silently bid goodbye,

But do you know?

_______________________

Sadface, so named because of the sad look written on her face, is an innocent female dog. Rather a puppy to us. She greets me daily with a yawn, as I step out of the house in the morning. She reminds me that the simple things in life should be treasured. But now, she's carrying puppies inside her: dead pups. The vet says, if the rest of the pups don't come out, the situation will take toll. Sadface is too young to be blessed with motherhood, but the cruel dominant male dogs never cared. I pity the way things are meant to be. Sadface is not our dog, she's a stray dog that we feed. We lost our Randy almost 6 months ago, please Sadface don't let us go through the pain, all over again. Be strong, in this frail world.

Life is Cricket. Cricket is Life

Actually. It is. I don't know whether it's the fact that I was born into this part of the world, or the fact that it's absolutely breathtaking: Cricket is an obsession. And the obsession is just reaching it's annual highs this time of the year. The World cup around the corner and knocking on the door, i spend most of my days playing cuts, pulls and drives in mid-air.

Cricket is simply 'the' sport, ever since, I was attracted to it like nothing else. I may have an unhealthy obsession, but sadly enough, the days I used to play for the school team my run rate was equally unhealthy. I had the passion, but I can't say I had the best of talent when it comes to batting. The days I used to play for the team, it was a mix bag of emotions. Alot of let downs, a lot of disappointment, and a lot of bruised limbs. But being in the game was what mattered the most. Going to the pitch, taking your run up, looking at the batsman with a fiery glance, and bowling the perfect seamer was all I was in for. I loved my bowling. To my dad, I used to be the arrow. Nicknamed so because of the steaming fast bowling action that I used to have. At some point I lost it. And how ever much I try, I can't produce the same pace.

There is one little incident, that really had an emotional impact on me. I broke my old pair of cricket boots (used for 4 years) and wanted a new pair of studded boots. My dad, as always, went out of his way to spend on the new boots at that time, because he never fails to know what makes me happy. But the very next day was squad selections, and I missed it. I missed the one opportunity to have my comeback as the opening seamer, but I lost it. And to this day, I haven't had the time or the heart to wear those boots. It hasn't yet tasted the mud and grit of a cricket field. I hope the day will come.

The two most memorable moments: Coming down the track and lofting a spinner for six, and bowling the perfect in-swinger and knocking down the middle stump.

Cool scene, I signed up for volunteer service for the World Cup. Running around a bit I don't mind at all, cause I get to watch the matches from the VIP stands, and get Sri Lanka Cricket shirts and security passes to meet the players. Somebody kick me into reality =P Cricket will always remain in my heart as my passion, my motivation and my want for the rush of adrenaline. Long live the game, and long be victorious the Lankan Lions.

One Goal. Many Paths. Choose!

Ammar came over today, got in his car and we sped away to check out the SAITM Campus. The only Private Medical School in Sri Lanka. O_o Yes the only, but there's a good reason for that, The Government universities are totally higher in standard. Well course wise. The Colombo Medical school is the epitome of it all, the Yale or Harvard of Medical schools over here. To get in, is a back breaking enterprise. I'd be lying to myself if I said my dream was to get in there, but rather my aspiration. To start of with, I'm less qualified to get in at present, than anybody else.

London exams, and government universities don't see eye to eye, they are two

extremes. For me to even get on the path to it, I have to complete the Local syllabus A/Level. Which is like challenging a Jap to a sumo wrestle... in Japan!!! Now switching from London to Local, is what I have to do, and this will inevitably cost me another year of my life. But say by some stray luck that comes my way, and I do excel and get in: I'll be considered a demi-god by my peers. Lol.

Well till I wait for that stray luck to find me, I have to check out my options:

(Remembering currently that I can't apply to any local government universities)

1. Apply to Monash/IMU Malayasia, and happily spend the entire life savings of my parents, for seven fucking years
2. Apply for a scholarship (ONLY 10 available for the whole world) in biotechnology at University of Melbourne, and move into the MD degree
3. Apply for full schol at St.Jacobs Germany, which requires the best scores in SAT's (prepare to be raped , first by the SATs and then by German goths)
4. Follow the MD course at SAITM, for only 5.5 million (considerably cheap), and also be recognized by the Medical Council? Too good to be true?
5. Take a gap year, complete Local A'Levels in that year, and wait until my entry letter is delivered, by the President himself!

But considering that my ultimate goal in life has been, and will be, to become a qualified cardiologist, I guess I'll have to take the calculated risks and the unforeseen obstacles with heart, to pursue what I've always wanted. I'll see you in another 5-6 years, You can call me Doctor =P

South Asian Institute of Technology

and Management

Estd. 2008

5 years - Rs. 5.5 million

Looks can be decieving?

Colombo Medical College

Estd. 1870

5 years - Absolutely Free

What it takes to get in -_-

Life in flickering motion

There's 86400 seconds given to us everyday, and a million ways to manipulate it. But really, how many of those seconds do we actually make use of? We spend most of it to ourselves, sulking in thought, visualizing, sometimes trying to objectify. But if only we knew a way to make maximum use of time, can we? Nah, if you can do it, call me up right now. For a fact I know that if I try making any schedules it's gonna end up being a lost cause, i'm just going to feel berated at the end of the day. I'd rather live my life in moments.

Getting off the bus at Borella junction, I pass by a lot of people, correction a lot of people pass by me. But none has a second to spare to even look at another. Once you get on that pavement, you are just being carried forward involuntarily, if you stop for a second someones gonna bump into you. I've actually had people bump into me, one too many times. hehe.

Part of my daily routine for the last few years has been waiting on the side of the road, for a 170 (Fort-Athurugiriya) or 190 (Fort-Meegoda) bus. I personally like the 190, it's more crowded allright, but boy is it fast. So, of those 86400 seconds I get in a day, a fair share should be given to the time I spend standing on the same spot, leaning forward to see which bus is coming along. Then I move onto doing the same thing, this time inside the bus and leaning forward to search for the seat that empties the fastest. (And occasionally eyeing around for any chicks, another lost cause =P) Yesh I end up, standing the whole ride through. The funniest, and most annoying part is that when I eventually get a seat, my halt is the one ahead. Pfft.

I look around. There are the lovers, the guy who does all the talking, soft words and cheesy exchange of smiles. Then comes the girl on the phone for the entire ride, her facial expressions oppose her words. Then the man who sings for coins, gosh go to Superstar or something and rid our ears of the misery. But there was once a flutist who played the most solemn tunes, that time I popped a 20 rupee note i guess. Then comes the many vendors, crappy childrens books and stale oranges mainly. And the beggars, same story, crappy lies and stale faces. Heck you give me those books and oranges, I'll sell them in no time! I know every catch phrase they use by heart.

But now when I recall them, these people are familiarized. It's like we all share the same 86400 seconds between us. Once again the struggle for life isn't it? The lovers, The singers, The vendors, The beggars, The bus conductor (constantly sending or rather hauling people to the front), The people moving on the pavement, and Me, we are all struggling for life. And when it comes to dealing with our emotions and our problems, we are all on the same bus. Aren't we?

In Pursuit!

What's my favorite movie you ask me? I don't think I'll come up with the usually long pause and the 'umm.. lemme think', cause I'd say 'The Pursuit of Happyness' without missing a beat. It's such an epically pictured film. Watched it again recently. For the 5th or 6th time! It speaks to the heart and it touches the inner being. If you know me good enough, You'd know how much I love reality in movies. And it can't get any real than this. Of all my favorite movies which include 'The Pursuit of Happyness', 'The Hurt Locker', 'Machan', 'Lagaan', 'Kal Ho Naa Ho' and 'Unstoppable' (All reality flicks huh? Surprising Surprising) , I love watching this the most. Isn't life an eternal struggle, pushed down by the big guns, played around by somebody else. Until, we come to a hold with our emotions and focus stoically on nothing but the future and What's best for ourselves. That's what I'm going to do!

A step back in time, and the void again!

Monday, the 10th. The paper that i was fated to meet twice, C2. And this time i was stronger, but so was the paper. Damness, but hey I did it awesome. I know, I am actually confident baby. But the one thing that got to me most about that day was going back to our old school. Damn seeing those old classrooms filled with so much of memories. This is the place I learned to step up the game, and this is the place that taught me how to love. So solemnly without looking forward to anything in return. I first met life here. You don't meet life unless you go through two things: A disapointment, and True Love. This is where I had to face both of it. Memories are still haunting the halls and corridors, and all the little moments of fun have been deposited like dust on the every wall and tile of this building. Our darling portal in time, that takes us back to a time of little worry, little pressure and no real goal in life.

And so ends C2, but here comes M1, I can't believe I flunked the first M1 paper. Now when I do it for the second time it so happens to be damn easy. But theres a lot to study, still a bit scratchy. The rest of the time should be given to it man, priority is priority, now as soon as I get off blogger im gonna hit the books. Well easier said than done.

Hmm. SLMUN Exco meeting. Honestly I thought this time SLMUN, is going to be messy and unprofessional, cause heck everybody who showed up for an interview got selected. But now I realize that there are people out there, who needs a little push and they go all out on it. Meeting was okay-ish, NOTHING compared to our COMUN meetings though. In those meetings we just have plain fun, and somehow get the job done as well, and personally I'm more than looking forward to COMUN this time. I met Rukshi today, and she was wearing something that resembled her blue jersey, Yes it was her blue jersey. The jersey she wore when we had our first dance. Sentimental enough? But hey I get stuff into my mind, I get stuff out of my mind. I've actually learned to master that process. No Oshi, I am not going against my conscious and trying to sound better off. Hehe. Anyway I also met Reema after a long time today and it was so good to see her back. I don't know why? And had a little chat with Dimbrain, fingers crossed if he can work things out and talk it out.

Then comes the big revelation. After reading it I just felt so knocked off the ground. I have known only half of everything, and hey I cant really say it's my fault. People don't speak up, then how am I supposed to know. I now know the pain you've been through and I wished I could have always been your friend, to let you lean your head on my shoulder but for a fact I know you don't need that. Your circumstances have made you one of the toughest girls I've crossed paths with. But now I feel that I'm a bad reader of people. I am actually. I should learn the art. But can you? I'm so sorry but what can I do, rather than fight my conscious, I don't wanna do that, cause I don't have anything to protect me from the .44 magnum that my conscious is pointing right at my face! But it just leaves me in this thought void again, maybe it's an excuse to go sleep. I can't decode.

Can I be Cal Lightman for a day. Please?