Say What You Need To Say

The Match. Yes, the Match. Sri Lanka vs. Pakistan. Is all I can think of now, just a few hours ago I was standing there in the crowds with Chey, AJ, Sabba, Kaveesh and Jackson, shouting out the last bit of air our sorry lungs had to offer, and feeling the vibe take over our bodies. Crazy is not the word to say how much fun we had. But how much more fun that 11 runs could have made it.

But, the match wasn't the only thing I was thinking of in the morning. We had the concert auditions, and again I let my Utopian thinking blind some important things. But why do I always have to screw something up, the tiniest of things I fail to overlook and Boom! The outcome is always a compromise, or letting my ears take the toll of pretty rough scolding, while my senses wonder without cause. But the time the guys from Moir sang 'Say what you need to say' my senses were in full swing. I was sitting behind her... listening to the song and it took me over. It broke through my defenses and came right at my heart. The memories, The moments, The glances, The stares, The smiles, The what-evers, The annoyed look, and The pain! It all came rushing back to me through the hole that was now growing in my heart.

I do the stupidest of things when I'm wandering at heart, I kicked her chair! She looked back, and smiled. God I need to rebuild the brick wall that I laid between my heart and her. You see God gives us the Kodak moments, but not the camera! It's up to us to capture it!

Damn. And I thought this post is dedicated to the Match. What I am doing. It should be!
1.00 o'clock got to the stadium. 1.30 made friends with two English visitors while Kaveesh was swearing at them in the earliest sinhala, while shaking hands =P Had fun there. Walked up the stairs and I stepped onto the last step and lifted my head..

Silence. The feeling was so powerful I swear I was taken back a step. I glanced at the Keththarama Stadium in all it's glory, it was packed to the brim. Sri Lankan flags everywhere. The feeling I got when I took the glance at the stadium was epic. This is my motherland, Our people and to us Sri Lankans, This is our game! Everybody chants the same mathra of victory. Unity and Spirit at a maximum. Over here, The guy who's girlfriend you made out with and got into shit would probably come and give you a hug. Cause at the grounds, Everyone has only one thing on their minds. Nothing else!

Trust me this is the perfect way to spend your day, or night! The bros had an awesome time. Win or Loose, and this one we did almost win, the fun is what counts. Being there as the Lions brace themselves, and cheering them on, as they play the most beautiful thing man has ever created: Cricket

Cricket is Life. The moments of glory. The moments of setback. Jubilation of victory with pride, and Acceptance of defeat with heart. Cricket makes a man!

Ps- After the match, did a commando style jump into Chetha's jeep cause it wasn't allowed to park on the road. It sped away while all of us ran after it and opened the doors while moving and jumped in!!!! Yes just as crazy as it sounds.

To Cricket and to my never ending woes of the other kind.

Photos
a. Sabir and Me
ai. The magnificent R Premadasa Stadium
aii. 6..4...6...4
aiv. Right after Sanga's wicket

Your Sinhala

I swim alone,

The sea of guilt,

Fighting the tides,

Of thought and emotion,

My gene of expression,

Mutilated eternally.

And,

Every time you smile,

Every time you cry,

Most of all,

Every time you try,

I taste the salt,

Flooding my senses,

Choking me to death.

But,

Every time you speak,

In 'your' sinhala,

The salt turns to sugar,

Sweet sweet sugar,

Flooding my senses,

Choking me to death,

Yet the taste remains.

---------------------------

Aaji Aiya!

I now publicly disprove the theory that it takes hours or days of company, to make a good friend. Today we made a friend and I doubt I'd ever meet somebody more genuine. Aaji aiya, the happy-go-lucky, tuk tuk driver. I'd rather not call him a tuk tuk driver cause that would marginalize him to a different class of people. A rather uncanny class. But to us he was in a class of his own. Psycho to the maximum, chases girls (wearing the fardha) and not money, and ready for anything. This is my one lined description of him after just 1 or 2 hours of company. So how did we bump into Aaji?

Simple. We needed a papare band to bring the spirit up at ISAC 2011. First, Second or Last it doesn't matter, we always keep up the spirit. Kasun, Chetha and I set out in search of a trumpet player, and enter 'Aaji'. The first tuk tuk we stopped. First impression to us was that he's a chronic, and the typical crack pot but that impression soon changed. The guy got us to a place and asked us to follow him. I'll never forget that experience, walking through the narrowest of alleys, past towels hang on cloth lines, through block houses that merely had more than one room. We were in the slums of Colombo. Little known to us Aaji took us to the heart of it. Every word spoken on this turf was tamil, neither me, Chetha nor Kasun knew anything expect how to swear in tamil. And the bit we knew, if used there, could have got us killed. Lol.

We came to a brightly colored house and two tamil women came out, we talked over a deal for drums at 2000 bucks O_o... Out of the tiniest slit in that house I saw a pretty face. It's strange how even in the musk of this livelihoods, the most charming of flowers can bloom. A pretty young girl shyly laughing at our broken tamil. I was taken back for a second, my heart melted naively. Beauty has no Background. Got the drums. But I had to leave my ID card, my sole identity with them. A risk I took back there.

Drums ok. But trumpet. Aaji the man, who we met merely 10 minutes before, took us around Colombo. The guy knew each and every one on the road, the brotherhood within this community was striking. It's beyond par to the brotherhood we have inculcated amongst ourselves. It's something we can learn from. All along the way Aaji was going on about how he knew the president and his prospects in politics. Hehe. Apparently he's a father of four, yet still has no burden in life. The fun we had. Cracking jokes at literally everything on the road. It's like we've known him for ages, but he was a complete stranger.

We came to the trumpet place. And the earlier setting seemed way better (solely) in comparison. This place was like a thug hideout.

Aaji: "Malliya ekkenata thama yanna puluwan"

Kasun: "Ehema bae ban"

Me: "Monada ban, api denna bokka ne, dennek yamu?"

Well to this place only one person was allowed, but we talked over for both Me and Kasun to go leaving Chetha behind for a while. We were dealing the prices when we were taken to the Don. A burly, tamil guy, with his breasts hanging below his bellybutton came out quarreling about the prices. A real movie scene. We settled for another 2000 bucks and set out. Well the trumpeter also needed a shot of arrack to play properly. Hehe. We bid goodbye to Aaji and set off.

Looking back, the trouble we had to go through, the 4000 bucks (and 200 for the arrack. lol) was worth every penny. We lifted the spirits up and cheered Gateway on. Yeah we came Second in the meet, but First at heart. The emotions fused with the papare music was inexplicable. It was almost 8 o'clock and we needed to return the drums, get my ID returned and dump the drunk trumpeter. We came out and was surprised to be greeted by Aaji! The guy had come back for us. We all got in his tuk and raced into the night. Cracking his jokes all the way. I got my ID back.

A friend we made that night, who taught us that there's always more to life. These people life lives with little worry and more smiles. Cherishing even the simplest moments in their lives. This carefree tuk tuk driver cum father, showed us that happiness lies within us. It's up to us to reach for it. We may think that we have achieved the summits of our schooling careers, and hold big positions, but are we really happy? True they may not be educated. But is life only about education? Life is about being genuine at heart. To them, life is joy ride. I learned that it's pointless blindly chasing dreams hoping that one day I'll be at peace, because peace is already within me. Aaji was the perfect reality check that I needed, realizing that I have to step on the earth to feel the earth. A day where I realized that Three Sinhala boys, hitched a Muslim tuk tuk man, and negotitated with Tamil band players, over here race and religion doesn't matter.

Thanks to Aaji we pulled it off. I'll never forget this human, for he showed us how to live free, and live life.

There's gotta be a good life

Got some time to yourself? Think about how many dreams have we stacked up in the store room of our heads? Nobody cared to file them, and now they're a big mess. Waiting to be arranged, Waiting to be deleted. Make space for the new dreams. Live on your dreams but don't thrive on it. A friend once told me "Reality is a lie, Dreams are for real" And now I know that maybe.. just maybe the truth.

But in this "lie" we live, we come across certain moments that deem far more interesting than our dreams. Moments we spend that could be a first or a last. More often than not, it's a last that really touches my heart. Today was another goodbye, a temporary goodbye to a dear old friend who also happened to be my cousin. Whenever I had a problem with my PC and I knew if I interfered I'll screw it up, Dinuka aiya was always one call away. He'd invariably come and fix it with his awesome tech sense. He wasn't the best with expressions. And he didn't pick his words carefully, and sometimes he sounds so cheesy! Haha. But heck he was being himself. Not the sharpest, but probably the smartest.

We got together at the usual family cricket pitch, which also happens to be invaded by passing vehicles. Yeah yeah they call it a road. We've played on this "pitch" since we were as short as the stumps. And memories galore. Dinuka aiya might have probably played his last match on this pitch today. I wonder if he'd ever have this much fun in Aussie. Nah! In Aussie you wouldn't have to jump into a paddy field to fetch the ball, and come out with mud up to your knees! You wouldn't have obese cousins and lazy uncles to joke about and go bonkers all together.

That's when I realized, dreams are a bit too big to digest. Dreams are better stored than dwelled upon. It's the moments that we have to capture and keep close to our hearts. Moments that we may miss if we don't live it. Hope you'll ace it in Aussie, and be back with a Dr. to your name. Miss you I will. But I know there's a good life waiting.

This Valentine.

This Valentine, I won't be the hypocrite I used to be.

Yeah face it I hate the whole concept, how can you trap

all the showings of love and true emotions to just 24 hours.

Love is around us, inside us, and with us, every second and

every minute of the day, every month and every year.

Whatever said and done, we all want it! No questions asked.

Love should not be cornered to couples making sorry sugary love in corners.

Love to me is the feeling I get when my dad praises me, even when I fail

Love to me is the feeling I get when I see the street dogs running to greet me.

Love is the feeling I get when my homie fist bumps me to something awesome.

The feeling I get when the text message recieved reads something purely beautiful.

This year, I won't be showing my sympathies, cause I had a Valentine today, and I loved it =)

The Time

When the Black Eyed Peas sang about it they were merely in it for the fame. But when we sang about it it was straight from the heart. Yesterday night was a hell of a time. Something I wanted I guess. I really wanted some quality fun lately and yep it was good. Sahani's party had it all. The dancing, the re unions, the heart to heart moments and the drinks to go with it. The definition of a good time has all those things, and also thrown in there is the probable scolding from your parents for coming home at 3.30 in the morning. Ah the good life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should be more reserved and not be up and out cause of the role i'm supposed to play at school. But then again if I do that, I'll be kidding myself and I'll be faking my identity. Be who you are huh? Cliche much. But true to the core. I know I have self control and I know my limits, so why not play within those limits and enjoy each moment to it's maximum. Consequences later darling. But when the moment has passed, forget it and then think of the consequences. Just cause I'm being myself it doesn't mean I should take things for granted. Ah I'm trying to be a model of this perfect person in a perfect world. But really how far can I walk in that person's shoes? Not much!

The party yesterday was happening. Me and Navin found the way up to the rooftop, it was dark and deserted but we stepped onto the ledge and just stood there. Stunned and Motionless. The beauty the city below had to offer was just breathtaking and it froze us in that moment. The night sky is something that has been described infinitely by an infinite number of people, but it's still not enough to say how magnificent it is. The rooftop was a perfect place to have a smoke I suppose, but I know Navin doesn't fag and neither do I. Thankfully! So instead we sat on the ledge and had our little chat, girls being the subject inavariably. Darn it. Can't we chat for once without bringing girls in to the play? Well we can't.

Then the dancing. Damn. I've danced like a foo many times before. But never like this. It just went on and on and on. And damn it felt good. Us bunch got into a bunch and sang 'The Time' doing the leg in leg out, and man we made some memories. That's when the booze came in, well secretly of course. I had a beer, martini, vodka and scotch in one night! But hey, moderation baby. Didn't get hit, cause I didn't want it to get hit. Why waste a good night. Me, Chetha and Suhail! It's all about knowing when how much is too much!

I'd have wanted one person to have made it to the party. I don't know why, but a little part of me really wanted to see her. She didn't turn up. But it's okay. I had a moment yesterday that would have been really hard if she was around. It felt good! I think I was maybe a bit hazed by the scotch at that time, but the moment was good.

And then it got late, a little too late. 2.00 in the morning when we finally headed out. And that too not straight home. Went to Oshi's place. Had chocolate and started playing cricket in the road, under lamp posts at 2.00 in the morning!!! How often do you get to do that. Epic. Finally ended up home at 3.30 in the morning. Grounded!! But hey just for Sunday. Life is not so bad after all!

Optimus Prime

My attitude today? Is certainly better. It seems like I'm past a certain phase in my life and is on the verge of stepping on to another, rather better phase. And no the bottle did not help! The past week was like sitting back and watching a mini-movie, where I was starring (a definite flop =P). It had drama: exhaustion, trauma, hyperactivity, disappointment, fun, and the smile at the end. Life.

I've learned to bid goodbye many a times. The most painful was to Sadface, but I also said goodbye to the thoughts and emotions that were lurking in my sub conscious, clawing at my soul. Making me doubt the person who I am right now, and what I would have been. Sometimes making me question whether I'm living the life of my Doppelganger. But I've sent them off, I think I've finally let the barge sail out of my heart. But one goodbye too many it is, Miss.Kaushi is leaving to Singapore tomorrow. And Damn! The person who was there to cushion my every fall, the person who taught me the art of covering things up, who taught me not to let anyone get the better of me, is leaving tomorrow. Here comes that empty feeling again.

It's rarely that a soul other than the four-legged kind gets this close to me, but Miss.Kaushi is my motherly sister. I can't believe she was our French teacher, she was more like the teacher who taught the lesson of Life. The moments the prefects spent in her office, will be stuck for eternity within those walls, reminiscing each time we step in. There's one thing that I'll hardly forget, the Transformer toy she had on her desk, Optimus Prime, it's something close to all the prefects. reminding us of the countless classes we skipped making Miss' Office our bunker. Haha. Good Times.

She gave me Optimus. I couldn't have asked for a better memento. It now stands on my desk, like my motivator, pushing me to work harder.

Wow and I thought I grew up!

Perfectly Sober?

Life is a strange thing allright, it tells you not to get drunk, but gives you a hundred reasons just to be that. Yesterday and today morning gave me the reasons, and now here I am blogging drunk. Atleast I'm sober enough to put sentences in place and I know i've spelled something wrong when the red outline sparks in my face, and that's been happening for quite a while. So why did I arrange the sudden meeting with the bottle?

It's her, and it's us. Rukshi, and the Prefects guild. The two reasons.

First of all seeing her depressed like that, and for some god-damned reason knowing that I have a lot to do with that, makes me blank in thought and in action. The way I've been thought the bodily cause of depression is an influx of serotonin. Really? Screw that, the main cause of depression is the musings revolving around your loved ones. The things that we realize we can't change and we shouldn't. She came up to me and said something that blew me away, if only I could tell her that she shouldn't be sorry, I know she really wanted to tell me something afterschool, but she blurted out just one sentence. One bizarre sentence. I've thought about this enough to build a barge of thoughts, and I still don't know whether i'm ready to set it sail away from the harbor of my heart. Only time will tell?

Secondly, the battering the prefects got from high above. This has become a daily routine within the guild, and I just can't think through on how to put things right. But hey, it's part and parcel of the package I guess. But to me, it's all my fault, I guess I'm not cut out for this whole leading up front business. It just might not be my cup of tea. I try so hard to balance our duties and at the same time make sure that nobody gets hurt in heart. Because my heart has been seared several times and the wounds are still to be healed, and I know what it feels like. I hope my prefects still have faith in me. Will they?

It's less than an hour since the happy water passed my throat, and my head still tips up and down, i certainly can't walk in a straight line, and I made it a point not to look at my mum while talking to her, but I'm perfectly sober within.

What happened in the end, we all got together and put tomorrow in the bottle. Have you ever realized that there is no tomorrow? It's just a condition. Today is today, and as soon as the clock strikes 12.00 it still is today, and not tomorrow. So why worry about a condition, when you can live the moment, live it!