All Aboard

A second is nothing. Nothing is a second. In the pragmatic mind a second accounts for nothing but one sixtieth of a minute. Hence a minute would account for one sixtieth of an hour that could destine the beginning of a new era, or the end of another. Time really is undervalued in these times! Yet every one yearns for that extra second, may it be a processor that caramelizes raw data into succulent information faster than your rival agency, or may it be a microchip that’s allows you to fire your angry-bird a nanosecond faster than your friend. We seek to be the fastest, at almost everything, heeding less to the wonders of life that can only be enjoyed at snail pace.

I have watched days flutter past my sight without even the slightest adieu, thus ordinary seconds seem a lot like nanoseconds to me. Only a calendar would remind you of the fact; making it one of the most potent destructors of self motivation. I have yearned to change myself, remarkably, and I added a deadline to it. The deadline had come and gone, and I was still nothing more or less than who I was. I planned the things that would follow. Allocated time slots for the things I would be doing, but there I was, looking back, trying to figure out at which station I missed the train. Although I missed the express train that would undoubtedly take me to my destination, I was now left with the choice of boarding the snail paced observation steam engine. A train that will make me come to my senses and end my game of hide and seek with reality, a train that will show me how to face life as it is, and not lie to myself with a thousand schedules and a million agendas. It chugs down the valley and up the hillside. Taking me down as I succeed, and up as I fail. It speaks a voice so ethereal and wise, telling me to bow down in humbleness when I succeed, and to rise up in spirit when I fail. The steam engine slowly but steadily passes the beautiful landscape, to which I would have been blinded, if I hadn’t missed the express.

I see the lush greenery depicting my childhood, the days I spent learning the trade, the trade of life. There are trees that greet me at every intersection, the teachers and mentors who instilled the values I stand for. There flows a river down by the countryside, reminding me of the plethora of friends I had, the occasional waterfall depicts the friends that stood out from that plethora. I see towns and cities awake to a new day, relishing the mere bliss of the morning, I remember the people who inspired to awaken my sleeping identity. The many stations I pass tell me of the many decisions I made, to get down or to continue. Wherever I go, I simply glance over my shoulder and I see two staggering mountains looking over me, with the same gaze that I see in the eyes of my parents.

Halfway down my journey, I hear news that the express train had long reached it’s destination and is on the verge of ending it’s return journey, ready to take another bountiful of youngsters on a colorless, monotonous and empty ride to the end.

For the first time?

Wow. I stay off my blog for so long and the first word I say, is not even a word. Yes, wow! I can't even start to fathom the amount of change that has creeped into my life. First up, relieved of school work. Now that's the true definition of relief. But the bittersweet emotion is overwhelming. Why do you have to leave?

'Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while', we're smiling but we're close to tears. I don't know what to write, this is an ultimate moment in my life. I really am short of words this once. I'm about to step into a whole new realm, realize a whole new perspective, and gear up myself for the world. But here I am, at the very beginning of it all, with nothing but hope, faith and a smile.

THE ANXIOUS DAY BEFORE, yes the anxious day before, when I finally get my results, and now that I waited this long I can't wait anymore. can somebody please hand deliver them to me right now. It's usually a huge block of ice that's stuck down my oesophagus but this time it's like a plant is taking life down there. Bloom already! All that work, all that hard work, all that juggling of work, all that time spent in the bus getting to class, all that time spent in class, all that time getting back, and it all comes down to this. I have my belief, I have Lord Buddha, I have my parents, My sisters. I just need to know.

Life is beautifully hard ain't it?

The Show Goes On...

This probably and might as well be my last post for quite a long time. This means I have to lock up emotions mighty in a dark cell in my heart and.. swallow the key! Lovely Blog, you gave me a much needed outlet for my thoughts, a store to my happiness, grief, content. You have a link straight to my heart, and that's where all your posts originate from, I rarely speak to you from my brain, It's all heart mann.

Lots of things have happened very recently, as always nah. No matter however much we try to deny it, things around us take life instantaneously, without warning trouble rises up and shadows your path, but remember the world is subjected to eternal change, it's the mind that should be kept still. Keep your mind still I say, it's an art I am yet to perfect, but I will. If the mind is still, everything else will fall in place. Right now the problem with me is that I need a bit of a push from the physique, I feel ever so weak, not at heart but in body. Blasted asthma is taking over my life. I need to hang in there.

Exams. They come and go, but i need to make this one stay. Two months to proove myself right, and the bloody critics wrong. You think I can't handle it? Why don't you try to juggle my work, I bet you wouldn't last a fucking second in my shoes. You know what world, keep throwing those stones at me, why don't you add a big fat boulder in there as well. "N-n-now that that don't kill me, Can only make me stronger" Thanks for that Kanye =P

So here I am at the pinnacle, I look down at the fall, I see all the peaks I've passed and all the rivers I've crossed, then I can see a woman down there sticking the middle up at me, haha, then there's all the crevices that I nearly fell in. I look up and I think, is there a mountain higher waiting to be spoilt with my presence. Hell Yeah!

The Show Goes On Allright!

De Ghuma Ke

So ends one of the most, or perhaps the most exciting roller-coaster of a month for me. And as it draws to close, so did the World Cup 2011. Which to me, has been the biggest cricketing event for SL, cause I was only 3 the time we lifted the '96 World Cup. Defeat comes as it may, to look beyond it but not overlook it, is the true spirit. I can't deny it. I am sad. So sad, that my perfect day had to end with neat shots of white rum, and it tasted nothing close to victory.

But a few hours before that last ball Dhoni fittingly clobbered for a six, we were in the radar of pure Sri Lankan fun. What a day it was. Went to the Intercon to watch the first innings with Gardi. Five star hotel you say? Haha. The heist bar of this 5 star hotel, looked nothing different to the Keththarama grounds. People clad in Blue and Yellow, waving the Lion flag, going crazy for every run, and going beyond crazy for every boundary. It was awesome. We kept ordering stuff, cheese toast to mojitos to hot butter cuttle fish. The party had already begun in SL.

And the man of the moment, the man who defined true Sri Lankan grit, was the reason to cheer our team forward: Mahela. You showed the world what class is all about. Every time the leather striked the sweet willow, 20 million Sri Lankans rose to their feet. The defeated Lion took charge of the pride. You knew what it was like to be defeated at the helm. And you rose to the occasion. Thank You.

The first innings sealed it for us. When Gardi, Umanga and I got into that tuk tuk, and sped away to the CH grounds, our naive minds missed the probability of things going wrong. That tuk tuk ride, was one to remember. Rampaging through the night of Colombo, waving the Lion at everybody on the road screaming "Come on Sri Lanka". And them screaming back at us. The whole of Sri Lanka was once again united. This amount of euphemism was not second to that when we won the War back in 2009.

Got to CH and met up with the rest of the gang. It was a carnival. Everybody was there. Gardi started playing the fool and everything we did, was right that night. Kay was there, Rushanka, and I made a new friend; Umanga, she is such an awesome girl. No fake accents, no nonsense, just plain damn genuine. She definitely joins the hangout now. I loved every bit of that night, except for the loss. I've never seen so many people wearing the same sad mask. I had mine too. And I'll probably wear it along with 20 million others for the rest of the week, but Life goes on. You taste defeat once, It's okay, You'll get back up. You taste defeat again, It's still okay, You'll still get back up.

To India, you were the better team on the day. It was a treat to the true cricket fan regardless of nationality, to see Yuvi and Raina leap like cougars, to see MS show the world what it means to be captain, to see Gambhir defy the odds of the crtitics, and more over to show the world that India is more than Sehwag and Tendulkar. Kohli living up to his attitude, and the best part was to see Bhajji, the ever herculian Harbhajan cry like a baby, it was all emotion. India truly deserve it, any team who slap the wits out of Australia deserve to win the Cup. So they did.

I used to remember days where the Lions would prounce at the ball, and stop every boundary and easy single. There used to be days where Chandana and Dilshan would form a near literal brick wall on the field. There used to be Mahanama and Aravinda who would resurface the sunken ship. There used to be Vaas who would swing the ball on a flat track. And an ever energetic Murali, who used to smile way more than this. But we still have all of them in our team in different avatars, it's just that when the occasion calls for them, they should rise up to it. Well done boys. De Ghuma Ke! Next time Hit it Harder!

And to my dear friend Aditi. What better Birthday could you have asked for eh? When I took that bet for an SL-Ind Final, I was certain about it, because this cup was all about the sub continent. Hope you, Wait, Know you had an awesome day. You and India deserved it. Absorb the fun behta. खुश विलम्बित जन्मदिन

When Everyone Else Doesn't.. Dad Does..

To me my father is more than a figure in my life. He is my saviour, my belief, and my motivation. The bond that we share is unfathomable. I've been through a lot of trying times recently, and the only person by my side was my father.

I love my independence, my right of thinking, and man i can take decisions. And the only person who's backing my independence is my father.

The calm, the cool, everything about him. I crash the car, he'll just smile and tell me only now can you be a good driver. He understands me best. I cannot be more grateful for anything. Love You =)

Yeah Mann!

I am at the penultimate point of my schooling career, and it's more than hard to believe it's true.

14 years I've been in one school, this school has been my everything, part of my soul, part of my integrity. A school who's student body I got the chance to head, a school that taught me spirit and heart over rules and regulation. But I'm at the very end of it, and now things are taking a wrong direction. You have a wrong person, who's totally the odd one out, in the wrong post, you get the wrong result. After 14 years, why does these last few days have to be so trying? I want my old Gateway back. It takes true "Sri Lankan" blood to run this place, and nothing else.

My heart bleeds for Gateway to revive to what it was. Spirit over Protocol. Love over Orders.

The place where teachers are more than just teachers. I am gonna miss everything from the bokkas, namely malla, gardi and the rest, my prefects, the teachers who I can trust with my life... and her. With each and every person that I'm going to miss, a little part of me will also be missing, specially the bros... and her.

This place was ours but it's time to go, please don't let the last moment be one to forget, rather let it cherish.

This video, is the musical equivalent to aspirin. This is pure medicine for depression mann. Rastafarian.

Love. Im gonna miss more than I know. But SMILE!

Coal

Dark, Demented,

Sought After,

Buried deep within one,

Below the cold exterior,

Danced by a raging fire,

Fueled by desire,

Keeping it alive

Is the coal,

The coal of hatred.

Alive and hungry,

Passionate for revenge,

Believing darkness,

Over light,

Only when the good,

Choose to rise up,

It defines,

The revolt,

The coal takes life.

___________________________________________________

Every one of us has the coal, laid beneath the cool exterior.

It takes a small spark, to ignite it, to a heat beyond imaginable,

And the heat is released, in ways that cannot be fathomed.

We'll use up the coal, as time passes, and each time it burns with passion,

the steam would hold proof. I must learn to overcome the emotion and burn

away all the coal left in me. I am better than this, Way better than this, I know it. Do you?

We had a total garden makeover today, and in the process I found a leather ball i lost when I was just 10 years old. One that Sajee had given me. It bought back so many memories. It speaks out for my cricketing career, started off with passion, but now the thread on the ball have been frayed and the leather cracked. But, I bowled a few deliveries, and wow! Everything landed on line, and the length perfect. I bowled a few beauties with it. I haven't been able to bowl like this for the past few months, I've rediscovered the steaming fast, aggressive me. Yorker after yorker. But a few overs and the ball gave away, with it alot of memories did too. And revealed the ball of coal inside. The dark coal. This image and recent events in life inspired this post.

Say Goodbye to My Heart Tonight!

"Oh oh I want some more, Oh oh what are you waiting for, Say goodbye to my heart tonight"

I've placed myself on a racetrack this month, a racetrack that demanded me to push myself, not to the limit, but a little beyond. The paramount pressure that was lacking in organizing COMUN was omnipresent when it came to organizing Urban Jcharlie. It was tiring and sometimes heartbreaking, but rewarding. The amount of work that went on behind the red curtain of this show was incredible. It was a big show, a big, show! It was all done by the least 30 of us. To raise Rs. 547,000 in one concert, is more than a feat *Discalimer: All funds to be directly banked to the Graduation '11 account...Not a rupee to my pocket...Haha*

The tag reads organized by the Senior Prefects Guild, I don't doubt it, but many of them wasn't ready to give 100%. Quite a dark cloud it was, but in that dark cloud my silver linings had names; Naadira, Kasun, Damithri, Ajmal, Kaveesh, Ammar, Sachitra, Nore, Naveen, Sanji, Gardi, Tash and

Mr. Chamath.

My dark cloud of worries could've easily turned into a thunderstorm, if not for these silver linings. Thanks. All in all it was a satisfying end to a hectic 2 weeks. The concert was beyond par, the audience loved it. My hosting skills were not bad I guess, the crowd was just crazy ass loud. This month has certainly being feeding the egoistic bastard inside me. Haha but I know how to keep it starving.

It was all memories, memories I'm ready to say goodbye to tonight, cause the more I dwell on it the more I realize that there's only a mere 2 weeks left for all of us. How can I live without;

doing handstands on the school rooftop, bunking in the canteen, secret group photos on the headmasters table, changing the staff room timetables, fixing the school skeleton into weird sex positions xD, changing official letters, crazy bike rides, running out of petrol at exactly midnight, cricket on the basketball pitch, coming home at way past midnight on successive days, and all the times we just have pure fun.

I'd say goodbye to them, and with it to my heart, soon.

Life As It Should Be!

I don't know why i took so long to post about it. Oh yeah I was caught up in all the concert work that the rest of my life was put on hold. My week has been like this: Awesome, Awesome, Awesome, Stressed, Stressed, Annoyed. But the aftertaste of it all was pretty sweet.

Colombo Model United Nations 2011 was the sex (Cliche) And being part of the crew who organized it brings forth this wonderful feeling that is a tad euphoric but mainly satisfying. The best part about this year's COMUN organizing committee was the mutual understanding amongst all of us. None of us had paramount stress put on our backs, no protocol was followed, and formality and rules and regulations weren't stamped down. We were just a bunch of people, worked towards one goal, faced the obstacles, and opened our eyes together to personify one dream.

Minseon and Jeremy. Two people I have made a bond with that surpasses friendship. Minseon, is a gem of a friend. Sometimes I wonder whether it's ethereal for a person to be that good at heart. A true friend who understands and knows when you need a hug :) And doesn't get pissed off at my racist Korean jokes ;)
Jeremy: My long lost brother. And I mean it, a long lost elder brother. Man we think alike, diss Minnie alike ;), and make music alike. His amazing trumpet vocals is off the hook. The techno sounds and the beats. In comm, I was beatboxing and he made jazz sounds, the delegates absolutely loved it. Minnie and Jerro, I owe it to you both.

Yep, COMUN was epic, and the best part the last day of it was also my birthday. I've never been so loved in my life. 150 delegates of my committee got together and signed this huge ass card for me. Which was just touching man. And when 450 people got up and sang happy birthday, I loved it, I was an egomaniac haha. Thanks.

I had to compeer the closing ceremony with Ema. And here's what we said.

The proceedings over the last three days have been beyond imaginable to us
these few moments mean alot as it signifies the last chapters of our COMUN
story. A story that was woven over 6 months of tireless efforts and pure fun.
The past 72 hours in our lives have taken us to the next level of diplomacy
and skill. Little may you know how enthusiastic you can be

Last October a bunch of people were called up personally by Dimitra, and told
that they passed the interviews and are selected for the COMUN 2011
Executive Committee.Good times they were, and from that point all of us built
up a mutual understanding amongst us, that cannot be cornered to a
certificate.Togetherness was our thing, and from the visits to OSC, random
visits to KFC,and listening to long anecdotes of our past, we made ourselves
family. A family that spearheaded COMUN 2011 to what it is today.

The Second Committee with Jerro, Minnie and Me








Me and My birthday..So overrated..But Muahaha I liked it..=D










The terrorists getting their briefing for the emergency topic
Epic to the core!

Waiting For The End

This song is absolutely breathtaking. I love Linkin Park. Probably the only rock band that moves me. And 'Waiting for the end' is just as good as they get. Lyrically mesmerising in the simplest of ways, yet knocks on the doors of your complex mind.

Dedicated.

This song moved me so much that it deserved a post all to itself =)

March

March lovely march. How can I even start to comprehend what an awesome month you are. And no who said it's cause I was born in March, it just is awesome. Hands down. March brings out the optimist in me, makes me feel like theres another chance.
I was tangled. Left stranded in a mess of things. Trying to keep up to deadlines with nothing but the spaces between my fingers to let slip the sands of time. I felt like I lost, that zing I always had with my colleagues. If I can be complacent about one quality in me, that's being able to click in to any group of people. Blinded to their perspectives, character or class. But there was a time I started loosing faith is someone, and that someone and I share the same name. Full.
I thought I was loosing faith and trust people had in me. But then came March, and in all it's glory told me that you just made someone think again, and question his conscious for the better.

Now things are falling back in place piece by piece. I'm still at the epicenter of it all, gluing every piece to the wall, little by little, and when the time comes I'll take the steps backward. Until I can see what I've pieced together.
March already has been hectic and exciting. Exciting more. I'm dancing salsa and jive. What the fuck? Yes. I also found out that there are two types of dance instructors

One...Female...Hot

Two...Male....Gay

But the dude can dance his butt off. Okay, the dancing I really don't mind, the place is also cool (its a rooftop on top of a building, and practices at late evening), besides it's just a week. BUT the fact that Rukshi is also there makes keep the wrong foot. Argh. Why do I have to go through the feelings all over again. I need to take the move on pill. Real bad. So I danced, with her. As much as the awkwardness that surrounded, I really didn't want that dance to end. I wished it to last a milisecond longer than eternity. But it didn't.

I took the bus back home, and a night bus ride is the perfect thing I needed at that time. Travelled the footboard, and the wind was forcing its way through my body, as I shapeshifted from side to side. Rukshi to me is not a bus ride, I thought I could get off at my halt, but it looks like the halt has come and gone.
Anyways, Kudos to March, Keep me happy.

Birthday on Sunday. FYI. =P

Say What You Need To Say

The Match. Yes, the Match. Sri Lanka vs. Pakistan. Is all I can think of now, just a few hours ago I was standing there in the crowds with Chey, AJ, Sabba, Kaveesh and Jackson, shouting out the last bit of air our sorry lungs had to offer, and feeling the vibe take over our bodies. Crazy is not the word to say how much fun we had. But how much more fun that 11 runs could have made it.

But, the match wasn't the only thing I was thinking of in the morning. We had the concert auditions, and again I let my Utopian thinking blind some important things. But why do I always have to screw something up, the tiniest of things I fail to overlook and Boom! The outcome is always a compromise, or letting my ears take the toll of pretty rough scolding, while my senses wonder without cause. But the time the guys from Moir sang 'Say what you need to say' my senses were in full swing. I was sitting behind her... listening to the song and it took me over. It broke through my defenses and came right at my heart. The memories, The moments, The glances, The stares, The smiles, The what-evers, The annoyed look, and The pain! It all came rushing back to me through the hole that was now growing in my heart.

I do the stupidest of things when I'm wandering at heart, I kicked her chair! She looked back, and smiled. God I need to rebuild the brick wall that I laid between my heart and her. You see God gives us the Kodak moments, but not the camera! It's up to us to capture it!

Damn. And I thought this post is dedicated to the Match. What I am doing. It should be!
1.00 o'clock got to the stadium. 1.30 made friends with two English visitors while Kaveesh was swearing at them in the earliest sinhala, while shaking hands =P Had fun there. Walked up the stairs and I stepped onto the last step and lifted my head..

Silence. The feeling was so powerful I swear I was taken back a step. I glanced at the Keththarama Stadium in all it's glory, it was packed to the brim. Sri Lankan flags everywhere. The feeling I got when I took the glance at the stadium was epic. This is my motherland, Our people and to us Sri Lankans, This is our game! Everybody chants the same mathra of victory. Unity and Spirit at a maximum. Over here, The guy who's girlfriend you made out with and got into shit would probably come and give you a hug. Cause at the grounds, Everyone has only one thing on their minds. Nothing else!

Trust me this is the perfect way to spend your day, or night! The bros had an awesome time. Win or Loose, and this one we did almost win, the fun is what counts. Being there as the Lions brace themselves, and cheering them on, as they play the most beautiful thing man has ever created: Cricket

Cricket is Life. The moments of glory. The moments of setback. Jubilation of victory with pride, and Acceptance of defeat with heart. Cricket makes a man!

Ps- After the match, did a commando style jump into Chetha's jeep cause it wasn't allowed to park on the road. It sped away while all of us ran after it and opened the doors while moving and jumped in!!!! Yes just as crazy as it sounds.

To Cricket and to my never ending woes of the other kind.

Photos
a. Sabir and Me
ai. The magnificent R Premadasa Stadium
aii. 6..4...6...4
aiv. Right after Sanga's wicket

Your Sinhala

I swim alone,

The sea of guilt,

Fighting the tides,

Of thought and emotion,

My gene of expression,

Mutilated eternally.

And,

Every time you smile,

Every time you cry,

Most of all,

Every time you try,

I taste the salt,

Flooding my senses,

Choking me to death.

But,

Every time you speak,

In 'your' sinhala,

The salt turns to sugar,

Sweet sweet sugar,

Flooding my senses,

Choking me to death,

Yet the taste remains.

---------------------------

Aaji Aiya!

I now publicly disprove the theory that it takes hours or days of company, to make a good friend. Today we made a friend and I doubt I'd ever meet somebody more genuine. Aaji aiya, the happy-go-lucky, tuk tuk driver. I'd rather not call him a tuk tuk driver cause that would marginalize him to a different class of people. A rather uncanny class. But to us he was in a class of his own. Psycho to the maximum, chases girls (wearing the fardha) and not money, and ready for anything. This is my one lined description of him after just 1 or 2 hours of company. So how did we bump into Aaji?

Simple. We needed a papare band to bring the spirit up at ISAC 2011. First, Second or Last it doesn't matter, we always keep up the spirit. Kasun, Chetha and I set out in search of a trumpet player, and enter 'Aaji'. The first tuk tuk we stopped. First impression to us was that he's a chronic, and the typical crack pot but that impression soon changed. The guy got us to a place and asked us to follow him. I'll never forget that experience, walking through the narrowest of alleys, past towels hang on cloth lines, through block houses that merely had more than one room. We were in the slums of Colombo. Little known to us Aaji took us to the heart of it. Every word spoken on this turf was tamil, neither me, Chetha nor Kasun knew anything expect how to swear in tamil. And the bit we knew, if used there, could have got us killed. Lol.

We came to a brightly colored house and two tamil women came out, we talked over a deal for drums at 2000 bucks O_o... Out of the tiniest slit in that house I saw a pretty face. It's strange how even in the musk of this livelihoods, the most charming of flowers can bloom. A pretty young girl shyly laughing at our broken tamil. I was taken back for a second, my heart melted naively. Beauty has no Background. Got the drums. But I had to leave my ID card, my sole identity with them. A risk I took back there.

Drums ok. But trumpet. Aaji the man, who we met merely 10 minutes before, took us around Colombo. The guy knew each and every one on the road, the brotherhood within this community was striking. It's beyond par to the brotherhood we have inculcated amongst ourselves. It's something we can learn from. All along the way Aaji was going on about how he knew the president and his prospects in politics. Hehe. Apparently he's a father of four, yet still has no burden in life. The fun we had. Cracking jokes at literally everything on the road. It's like we've known him for ages, but he was a complete stranger.

We came to the trumpet place. And the earlier setting seemed way better (solely) in comparison. This place was like a thug hideout.

Aaji: "Malliya ekkenata thama yanna puluwan"

Kasun: "Ehema bae ban"

Me: "Monada ban, api denna bokka ne, dennek yamu?"

Well to this place only one person was allowed, but we talked over for both Me and Kasun to go leaving Chetha behind for a while. We were dealing the prices when we were taken to the Don. A burly, tamil guy, with his breasts hanging below his bellybutton came out quarreling about the prices. A real movie scene. We settled for another 2000 bucks and set out. Well the trumpeter also needed a shot of arrack to play properly. Hehe. We bid goodbye to Aaji and set off.

Looking back, the trouble we had to go through, the 4000 bucks (and 200 for the arrack. lol) was worth every penny. We lifted the spirits up and cheered Gateway on. Yeah we came Second in the meet, but First at heart. The emotions fused with the papare music was inexplicable. It was almost 8 o'clock and we needed to return the drums, get my ID returned and dump the drunk trumpeter. We came out and was surprised to be greeted by Aaji! The guy had come back for us. We all got in his tuk and raced into the night. Cracking his jokes all the way. I got my ID back.

A friend we made that night, who taught us that there's always more to life. These people life lives with little worry and more smiles. Cherishing even the simplest moments in their lives. This carefree tuk tuk driver cum father, showed us that happiness lies within us. It's up to us to reach for it. We may think that we have achieved the summits of our schooling careers, and hold big positions, but are we really happy? True they may not be educated. But is life only about education? Life is about being genuine at heart. To them, life is joy ride. I learned that it's pointless blindly chasing dreams hoping that one day I'll be at peace, because peace is already within me. Aaji was the perfect reality check that I needed, realizing that I have to step on the earth to feel the earth. A day where I realized that Three Sinhala boys, hitched a Muslim tuk tuk man, and negotitated with Tamil band players, over here race and religion doesn't matter.

Thanks to Aaji we pulled it off. I'll never forget this human, for he showed us how to live free, and live life.

There's gotta be a good life

Got some time to yourself? Think about how many dreams have we stacked up in the store room of our heads? Nobody cared to file them, and now they're a big mess. Waiting to be arranged, Waiting to be deleted. Make space for the new dreams. Live on your dreams but don't thrive on it. A friend once told me "Reality is a lie, Dreams are for real" And now I know that maybe.. just maybe the truth.

But in this "lie" we live, we come across certain moments that deem far more interesting than our dreams. Moments we spend that could be a first or a last. More often than not, it's a last that really touches my heart. Today was another goodbye, a temporary goodbye to a dear old friend who also happened to be my cousin. Whenever I had a problem with my PC and I knew if I interfered I'll screw it up, Dinuka aiya was always one call away. He'd invariably come and fix it with his awesome tech sense. He wasn't the best with expressions. And he didn't pick his words carefully, and sometimes he sounds so cheesy! Haha. But heck he was being himself. Not the sharpest, but probably the smartest.

We got together at the usual family cricket pitch, which also happens to be invaded by passing vehicles. Yeah yeah they call it a road. We've played on this "pitch" since we were as short as the stumps. And memories galore. Dinuka aiya might have probably played his last match on this pitch today. I wonder if he'd ever have this much fun in Aussie. Nah! In Aussie you wouldn't have to jump into a paddy field to fetch the ball, and come out with mud up to your knees! You wouldn't have obese cousins and lazy uncles to joke about and go bonkers all together.

That's when I realized, dreams are a bit too big to digest. Dreams are better stored than dwelled upon. It's the moments that we have to capture and keep close to our hearts. Moments that we may miss if we don't live it. Hope you'll ace it in Aussie, and be back with a Dr. to your name. Miss you I will. But I know there's a good life waiting.

This Valentine.

This Valentine, I won't be the hypocrite I used to be.

Yeah face it I hate the whole concept, how can you trap

all the showings of love and true emotions to just 24 hours.

Love is around us, inside us, and with us, every second and

every minute of the day, every month and every year.

Whatever said and done, we all want it! No questions asked.

Love should not be cornered to couples making sorry sugary love in corners.

Love to me is the feeling I get when my dad praises me, even when I fail

Love to me is the feeling I get when I see the street dogs running to greet me.

Love is the feeling I get when my homie fist bumps me to something awesome.

The feeling I get when the text message recieved reads something purely beautiful.

This year, I won't be showing my sympathies, cause I had a Valentine today, and I loved it =)

The Time

When the Black Eyed Peas sang about it they were merely in it for the fame. But when we sang about it it was straight from the heart. Yesterday night was a hell of a time. Something I wanted I guess. I really wanted some quality fun lately and yep it was good. Sahani's party had it all. The dancing, the re unions, the heart to heart moments and the drinks to go with it. The definition of a good time has all those things, and also thrown in there is the probable scolding from your parents for coming home at 3.30 in the morning. Ah the good life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should be more reserved and not be up and out cause of the role i'm supposed to play at school. But then again if I do that, I'll be kidding myself and I'll be faking my identity. Be who you are huh? Cliche much. But true to the core. I know I have self control and I know my limits, so why not play within those limits and enjoy each moment to it's maximum. Consequences later darling. But when the moment has passed, forget it and then think of the consequences. Just cause I'm being myself it doesn't mean I should take things for granted. Ah I'm trying to be a model of this perfect person in a perfect world. But really how far can I walk in that person's shoes? Not much!

The party yesterday was happening. Me and Navin found the way up to the rooftop, it was dark and deserted but we stepped onto the ledge and just stood there. Stunned and Motionless. The beauty the city below had to offer was just breathtaking and it froze us in that moment. The night sky is something that has been described infinitely by an infinite number of people, but it's still not enough to say how magnificent it is. The rooftop was a perfect place to have a smoke I suppose, but I know Navin doesn't fag and neither do I. Thankfully! So instead we sat on the ledge and had our little chat, girls being the subject inavariably. Darn it. Can't we chat for once without bringing girls in to the play? Well we can't.

Then the dancing. Damn. I've danced like a foo many times before. But never like this. It just went on and on and on. And damn it felt good. Us bunch got into a bunch and sang 'The Time' doing the leg in leg out, and man we made some memories. That's when the booze came in, well secretly of course. I had a beer, martini, vodka and scotch in one night! But hey, moderation baby. Didn't get hit, cause I didn't want it to get hit. Why waste a good night. Me, Chetha and Suhail! It's all about knowing when how much is too much!

I'd have wanted one person to have made it to the party. I don't know why, but a little part of me really wanted to see her. She didn't turn up. But it's okay. I had a moment yesterday that would have been really hard if she was around. It felt good! I think I was maybe a bit hazed by the scotch at that time, but the moment was good.

And then it got late, a little too late. 2.00 in the morning when we finally headed out. And that too not straight home. Went to Oshi's place. Had chocolate and started playing cricket in the road, under lamp posts at 2.00 in the morning!!! How often do you get to do that. Epic. Finally ended up home at 3.30 in the morning. Grounded!! But hey just for Sunday. Life is not so bad after all!

Optimus Prime

My attitude today? Is certainly better. It seems like I'm past a certain phase in my life and is on the verge of stepping on to another, rather better phase. And no the bottle did not help! The past week was like sitting back and watching a mini-movie, where I was starring (a definite flop =P). It had drama: exhaustion, trauma, hyperactivity, disappointment, fun, and the smile at the end. Life.

I've learned to bid goodbye many a times. The most painful was to Sadface, but I also said goodbye to the thoughts and emotions that were lurking in my sub conscious, clawing at my soul. Making me doubt the person who I am right now, and what I would have been. Sometimes making me question whether I'm living the life of my Doppelganger. But I've sent them off, I think I've finally let the barge sail out of my heart. But one goodbye too many it is, Miss.Kaushi is leaving to Singapore tomorrow. And Damn! The person who was there to cushion my every fall, the person who taught me the art of covering things up, who taught me not to let anyone get the better of me, is leaving tomorrow. Here comes that empty feeling again.

It's rarely that a soul other than the four-legged kind gets this close to me, but Miss.Kaushi is my motherly sister. I can't believe she was our French teacher, she was more like the teacher who taught the lesson of Life. The moments the prefects spent in her office, will be stuck for eternity within those walls, reminiscing each time we step in. There's one thing that I'll hardly forget, the Transformer toy she had on her desk, Optimus Prime, it's something close to all the prefects. reminding us of the countless classes we skipped making Miss' Office our bunker. Haha. Good Times.

She gave me Optimus. I couldn't have asked for a better memento. It now stands on my desk, like my motivator, pushing me to work harder.

Wow and I thought I grew up!

Perfectly Sober?

Life is a strange thing allright, it tells you not to get drunk, but gives you a hundred reasons just to be that. Yesterday and today morning gave me the reasons, and now here I am blogging drunk. Atleast I'm sober enough to put sentences in place and I know i've spelled something wrong when the red outline sparks in my face, and that's been happening for quite a while. So why did I arrange the sudden meeting with the bottle?

It's her, and it's us. Rukshi, and the Prefects guild. The two reasons.

First of all seeing her depressed like that, and for some god-damned reason knowing that I have a lot to do with that, makes me blank in thought and in action. The way I've been thought the bodily cause of depression is an influx of serotonin. Really? Screw that, the main cause of depression is the musings revolving around your loved ones. The things that we realize we can't change and we shouldn't. She came up to me and said something that blew me away, if only I could tell her that she shouldn't be sorry, I know she really wanted to tell me something afterschool, but she blurted out just one sentence. One bizarre sentence. I've thought about this enough to build a barge of thoughts, and I still don't know whether i'm ready to set it sail away from the harbor of my heart. Only time will tell?

Secondly, the battering the prefects got from high above. This has become a daily routine within the guild, and I just can't think through on how to put things right. But hey, it's part and parcel of the package I guess. But to me, it's all my fault, I guess I'm not cut out for this whole leading up front business. It just might not be my cup of tea. I try so hard to balance our duties and at the same time make sure that nobody gets hurt in heart. Because my heart has been seared several times and the wounds are still to be healed, and I know what it feels like. I hope my prefects still have faith in me. Will they?

It's less than an hour since the happy water passed my throat, and my head still tips up and down, i certainly can't walk in a straight line, and I made it a point not to look at my mum while talking to her, but I'm perfectly sober within.

What happened in the end, we all got together and put tomorrow in the bottle. Have you ever realized that there is no tomorrow? It's just a condition. Today is today, and as soon as the clock strikes 12.00 it still is today, and not tomorrow. So why worry about a condition, when you can live the moment, live it!

Sadface

Outside my door,

If ever lay hope,

Curled up in sleep,

There you will be,

Giving elixir,

To my broken mornings,

As you ever so solemnly,

Bequeath to me,

A sleepy greeting.

As the dark pearl,

Beholds great charm,

As the barren land,

Beholds abundant life,

As the cold mine,

Beholds pure coal,

Your sad face,

Beholds loving embrace.

There was that time,

You romped and played,

With your kind,

With our hearts,

But you were left helpless,

Against the dogs,

Who Stained your childhood,

Made you bear their future.

And now you lay,

In pain and sorrow,

Afraid to loose,

What you never had,

The lives that grow inside you,

Have silently bid goodbye,

But do you know?

_______________________

Sadface, so named because of the sad look written on her face, is an innocent female dog. Rather a puppy to us. She greets me daily with a yawn, as I step out of the house in the morning. She reminds me that the simple things in life should be treasured. But now, she's carrying puppies inside her: dead pups. The vet says, if the rest of the pups don't come out, the situation will take toll. Sadface is too young to be blessed with motherhood, but the cruel dominant male dogs never cared. I pity the way things are meant to be. Sadface is not our dog, she's a stray dog that we feed. We lost our Randy almost 6 months ago, please Sadface don't let us go through the pain, all over again. Be strong, in this frail world.

Life is Cricket. Cricket is Life

Actually. It is. I don't know whether it's the fact that I was born into this part of the world, or the fact that it's absolutely breathtaking: Cricket is an obsession. And the obsession is just reaching it's annual highs this time of the year. The World cup around the corner and knocking on the door, i spend most of my days playing cuts, pulls and drives in mid-air.

Cricket is simply 'the' sport, ever since, I was attracted to it like nothing else. I may have an unhealthy obsession, but sadly enough, the days I used to play for the school team my run rate was equally unhealthy. I had the passion, but I can't say I had the best of talent when it comes to batting. The days I used to play for the team, it was a mix bag of emotions. Alot of let downs, a lot of disappointment, and a lot of bruised limbs. But being in the game was what mattered the most. Going to the pitch, taking your run up, looking at the batsman with a fiery glance, and bowling the perfect seamer was all I was in for. I loved my bowling. To my dad, I used to be the arrow. Nicknamed so because of the steaming fast bowling action that I used to have. At some point I lost it. And how ever much I try, I can't produce the same pace.

There is one little incident, that really had an emotional impact on me. I broke my old pair of cricket boots (used for 4 years) and wanted a new pair of studded boots. My dad, as always, went out of his way to spend on the new boots at that time, because he never fails to know what makes me happy. But the very next day was squad selections, and I missed it. I missed the one opportunity to have my comeback as the opening seamer, but I lost it. And to this day, I haven't had the time or the heart to wear those boots. It hasn't yet tasted the mud and grit of a cricket field. I hope the day will come.

The two most memorable moments: Coming down the track and lofting a spinner for six, and bowling the perfect in-swinger and knocking down the middle stump.

Cool scene, I signed up for volunteer service for the World Cup. Running around a bit I don't mind at all, cause I get to watch the matches from the VIP stands, and get Sri Lanka Cricket shirts and security passes to meet the players. Somebody kick me into reality =P Cricket will always remain in my heart as my passion, my motivation and my want for the rush of adrenaline. Long live the game, and long be victorious the Lankan Lions.

One Goal. Many Paths. Choose!

Ammar came over today, got in his car and we sped away to check out the SAITM Campus. The only Private Medical School in Sri Lanka. O_o Yes the only, but there's a good reason for that, The Government universities are totally higher in standard. Well course wise. The Colombo Medical school is the epitome of it all, the Yale or Harvard of Medical schools over here. To get in, is a back breaking enterprise. I'd be lying to myself if I said my dream was to get in there, but rather my aspiration. To start of with, I'm less qualified to get in at present, than anybody else.

London exams, and government universities don't see eye to eye, they are two

extremes. For me to even get on the path to it, I have to complete the Local syllabus A/Level. Which is like challenging a Jap to a sumo wrestle... in Japan!!! Now switching from London to Local, is what I have to do, and this will inevitably cost me another year of my life. But say by some stray luck that comes my way, and I do excel and get in: I'll be considered a demi-god by my peers. Lol.

Well till I wait for that stray luck to find me, I have to check out my options:

(Remembering currently that I can't apply to any local government universities)

1. Apply to Monash/IMU Malayasia, and happily spend the entire life savings of my parents, for seven fucking years
2. Apply for a scholarship (ONLY 10 available for the whole world) in biotechnology at University of Melbourne, and move into the MD degree
3. Apply for full schol at St.Jacobs Germany, which requires the best scores in SAT's (prepare to be raped , first by the SATs and then by German goths)
4. Follow the MD course at SAITM, for only 5.5 million (considerably cheap), and also be recognized by the Medical Council? Too good to be true?
5. Take a gap year, complete Local A'Levels in that year, and wait until my entry letter is delivered, by the President himself!

But considering that my ultimate goal in life has been, and will be, to become a qualified cardiologist, I guess I'll have to take the calculated risks and the unforeseen obstacles with heart, to pursue what I've always wanted. I'll see you in another 5-6 years, You can call me Doctor =P

South Asian Institute of Technology

and Management

Estd. 2008

5 years - Rs. 5.5 million

Looks can be decieving?

Colombo Medical College

Estd. 1870

5 years - Absolutely Free

What it takes to get in -_-

Life in flickering motion

There's 86400 seconds given to us everyday, and a million ways to manipulate it. But really, how many of those seconds do we actually make use of? We spend most of it to ourselves, sulking in thought, visualizing, sometimes trying to objectify. But if only we knew a way to make maximum use of time, can we? Nah, if you can do it, call me up right now. For a fact I know that if I try making any schedules it's gonna end up being a lost cause, i'm just going to feel berated at the end of the day. I'd rather live my life in moments.

Getting off the bus at Borella junction, I pass by a lot of people, correction a lot of people pass by me. But none has a second to spare to even look at another. Once you get on that pavement, you are just being carried forward involuntarily, if you stop for a second someones gonna bump into you. I've actually had people bump into me, one too many times. hehe.

Part of my daily routine for the last few years has been waiting on the side of the road, for a 170 (Fort-Athurugiriya) or 190 (Fort-Meegoda) bus. I personally like the 190, it's more crowded allright, but boy is it fast. So, of those 86400 seconds I get in a day, a fair share should be given to the time I spend standing on the same spot, leaning forward to see which bus is coming along. Then I move onto doing the same thing, this time inside the bus and leaning forward to search for the seat that empties the fastest. (And occasionally eyeing around for any chicks, another lost cause =P) Yesh I end up, standing the whole ride through. The funniest, and most annoying part is that when I eventually get a seat, my halt is the one ahead. Pfft.

I look around. There are the lovers, the guy who does all the talking, soft words and cheesy exchange of smiles. Then comes the girl on the phone for the entire ride, her facial expressions oppose her words. Then the man who sings for coins, gosh go to Superstar or something and rid our ears of the misery. But there was once a flutist who played the most solemn tunes, that time I popped a 20 rupee note i guess. Then comes the many vendors, crappy childrens books and stale oranges mainly. And the beggars, same story, crappy lies and stale faces. Heck you give me those books and oranges, I'll sell them in no time! I know every catch phrase they use by heart.

But now when I recall them, these people are familiarized. It's like we all share the same 86400 seconds between us. Once again the struggle for life isn't it? The lovers, The singers, The vendors, The beggars, The bus conductor (constantly sending or rather hauling people to the front), The people moving on the pavement, and Me, we are all struggling for life. And when it comes to dealing with our emotions and our problems, we are all on the same bus. Aren't we?

In Pursuit!

What's my favorite movie you ask me? I don't think I'll come up with the usually long pause and the 'umm.. lemme think', cause I'd say 'The Pursuit of Happyness' without missing a beat. It's such an epically pictured film. Watched it again recently. For the 5th or 6th time! It speaks to the heart and it touches the inner being. If you know me good enough, You'd know how much I love reality in movies. And it can't get any real than this. Of all my favorite movies which include 'The Pursuit of Happyness', 'The Hurt Locker', 'Machan', 'Lagaan', 'Kal Ho Naa Ho' and 'Unstoppable' (All reality flicks huh? Surprising Surprising) , I love watching this the most. Isn't life an eternal struggle, pushed down by the big guns, played around by somebody else. Until, we come to a hold with our emotions and focus stoically on nothing but the future and What's best for ourselves. That's what I'm going to do!

A step back in time, and the void again!

Monday, the 10th. The paper that i was fated to meet twice, C2. And this time i was stronger, but so was the paper. Damness, but hey I did it awesome. I know, I am actually confident baby. But the one thing that got to me most about that day was going back to our old school. Damn seeing those old classrooms filled with so much of memories. This is the place I learned to step up the game, and this is the place that taught me how to love. So solemnly without looking forward to anything in return. I first met life here. You don't meet life unless you go through two things: A disapointment, and True Love. This is where I had to face both of it. Memories are still haunting the halls and corridors, and all the little moments of fun have been deposited like dust on the every wall and tile of this building. Our darling portal in time, that takes us back to a time of little worry, little pressure and no real goal in life.

And so ends C2, but here comes M1, I can't believe I flunked the first M1 paper. Now when I do it for the second time it so happens to be damn easy. But theres a lot to study, still a bit scratchy. The rest of the time should be given to it man, priority is priority, now as soon as I get off blogger im gonna hit the books. Well easier said than done.

Hmm. SLMUN Exco meeting. Honestly I thought this time SLMUN, is going to be messy and unprofessional, cause heck everybody who showed up for an interview got selected. But now I realize that there are people out there, who needs a little push and they go all out on it. Meeting was okay-ish, NOTHING compared to our COMUN meetings though. In those meetings we just have plain fun, and somehow get the job done as well, and personally I'm more than looking forward to COMUN this time. I met Rukshi today, and she was wearing something that resembled her blue jersey, Yes it was her blue jersey. The jersey she wore when we had our first dance. Sentimental enough? But hey I get stuff into my mind, I get stuff out of my mind. I've actually learned to master that process. No Oshi, I am not going against my conscious and trying to sound better off. Hehe. Anyway I also met Reema after a long time today and it was so good to see her back. I don't know why? And had a little chat with Dimbrain, fingers crossed if he can work things out and talk it out.

Then comes the big revelation. After reading it I just felt so knocked off the ground. I have known only half of everything, and hey I cant really say it's my fault. People don't speak up, then how am I supposed to know. I now know the pain you've been through and I wished I could have always been your friend, to let you lean your head on my shoulder but for a fact I know you don't need that. Your circumstances have made you one of the toughest girls I've crossed paths with. But now I feel that I'm a bad reader of people. I am actually. I should learn the art. But can you? I'm so sorry but what can I do, rather than fight my conscious, I don't wanna do that, cause I don't have anything to protect me from the .44 magnum that my conscious is pointing right at my face! But it just leaves me in this thought void again, maybe it's an excuse to go sleep. I can't decode.

Can I be Cal Lightman for a day. Please?

The One That Didn't Get Away

Ok I get it, 2011 is here and it's the perfect dose of aspirin my dying spirit needed, or at least that's what I thought up until noon. This is when I was catapulted into a wild goose chase, following a rare breed of geese called 'inflanac'. Yes the currently outdated, and renamed to god-knows-what, painkiller for my dad's backache. So I was stranded on the search for the 'inflanac' and spent hours on the road, without finding it. Strangely I didn't give into the disappointment that amassed around me. I came home, realizing that there were no buses on the road. There goes me going to Mr.Dickson's class today, which I was quite anticipating. Come on, it's the First of Jan, not like he's going to do a load of work. Besides, there is an 'external factor' involved, aren't there always one of that involved everywhere we go? Well, Life is not a storybook, so nothing fell out of the sky and made my day happier, but I made it happier for myself, by playing my melody on broken strings.

The First of January bought me so much of lively thoughts, of my success and my peace. Of how I will define my story in the paths of a stalwart and not a forgotten idiot who tried to play hero and ended up looking down a barren well. This year is definitely my positive year, whatever obstacles this steeplechase of life gives me, i'll take it with heart. I just know it's going to be a good year.

It's like all of us have been warped back to being who we were. The people

who cared less about life, and eased the stress by doing absolutely anything, as long as it's crazy. We laugh so hard, we talk about a load of things and we don't carry the bag of worries everywhere we go. 'Melvin the skeleton' our star attraction, and all the stupid things we do with it. I can't believe that children actually come to our class to study the skeleton, while all we do is fix it into wicked positions and dub it. We owe Melvin a lot of laugh-out-louds. It's the realization, that we have only a few months of schooling left, that makes us strengthen our bonds. Because when we have to leave, we ought to remain the smiles. Never leave a tear, because you never know if you'll get the chance to wipe it away.

School looks really nice now, I love the new paint job. I'm actually proud to be the Headboy. I've only got that feeling a handful of times, but this really is one of them. I feel like I have more responsibility and pride in what I'm doing. And I know nothing's going to hit my head, cause I am who I am, and being myself is what's best. Everything is so smooth, and i know it'll remain that way. Enter the graduation. We'll see. I feel a stronger bond towards certain people as well, I love the care. We are all kidding ourselves if we say we don't like the care concerned. She is invariably closer to me than before, maybe she's obliged to be, but one thing I know she's a good friend. She has been a big part of my life, a fact unknown to many. She has always left me lighter in my senses, and will always be in my head. I'm more than glad for the way things have turned out.

This year, has given me alot of moments to ponder about. And of all the strange things that happened so far, being left alone with Rukshi afterschool is one of them. I'd have never predicted this moment, as weird as it is. It has been ages since we ever actually had a conversation with each other, and I knew we can't just revert back to being good friends. There she was, and there I was, and that's it. For a moment my heart tried to escape the prison of reality and run in to the past, but my brain caught it and stopped it in it's tracks. She sat next to me, and we talked. We talked alot, stuff that we couldn't really catch up on and things we should have shared. We laughed at stupid things. I knew she was being herself, but I wasn't. But the funny thing is that it must have been the same feeling for her. Like all the things that this year is giving me, this too left me in my own realm of thoughts. It's funny that Oshi was just talking to me about my feelings and how I'm starting to show them again in very strange ways. He understands me in ways unobliging to others, I just wish I could be more giving. Well, I know that this is a test thrown in my path, to see if I can stick to the quizzical decision I made and to see if I can cope with my emotions even after. To whoever gave me this test, I'm telling you, I will stick to my decisions and I will keep moving along this path of mine. Because I did what I had to do, for a reason. A reason which I'm yet to figure out. Whatever said and done, I still know that I'm more than capable of making my parents happier in life. There's alot in store for me, and I'm up for it. Let us slip away in time into the valley of happiness.

The only female artist who succeeds to keep me hooked:

Katy Perry

Fav Song:

The One That Got Away

Fav Album:

Teenage Dream

Fav Live Performance:

Firework, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show