The One That Didn't Get Away

Ok I get it, 2011 is here and it's the perfect dose of aspirin my dying spirit needed, or at least that's what I thought up until noon. This is when I was catapulted into a wild goose chase, following a rare breed of geese called 'inflanac'. Yes the currently outdated, and renamed to god-knows-what, painkiller for my dad's backache. So I was stranded on the search for the 'inflanac' and spent hours on the road, without finding it. Strangely I didn't give into the disappointment that amassed around me. I came home, realizing that there were no buses on the road. There goes me going to Mr.Dickson's class today, which I was quite anticipating. Come on, it's the First of Jan, not like he's going to do a load of work. Besides, there is an 'external factor' involved, aren't there always one of that involved everywhere we go? Well, Life is not a storybook, so nothing fell out of the sky and made my day happier, but I made it happier for myself, by playing my melody on broken strings.

The First of January bought me so much of lively thoughts, of my success and my peace. Of how I will define my story in the paths of a stalwart and not a forgotten idiot who tried to play hero and ended up looking down a barren well. This year is definitely my positive year, whatever obstacles this steeplechase of life gives me, i'll take it with heart. I just know it's going to be a good year.

It's like all of us have been warped back to being who we were. The people

who cared less about life, and eased the stress by doing absolutely anything, as long as it's crazy. We laugh so hard, we talk about a load of things and we don't carry the bag of worries everywhere we go. 'Melvin the skeleton' our star attraction, and all the stupid things we do with it. I can't believe that children actually come to our class to study the skeleton, while all we do is fix it into wicked positions and dub it. We owe Melvin a lot of laugh-out-louds. It's the realization, that we have only a few months of schooling left, that makes us strengthen our bonds. Because when we have to leave, we ought to remain the smiles. Never leave a tear, because you never know if you'll get the chance to wipe it away.

School looks really nice now, I love the new paint job. I'm actually proud to be the Headboy. I've only got that feeling a handful of times, but this really is one of them. I feel like I have more responsibility and pride in what I'm doing. And I know nothing's going to hit my head, cause I am who I am, and being myself is what's best. Everything is so smooth, and i know it'll remain that way. Enter the graduation. We'll see. I feel a stronger bond towards certain people as well, I love the care. We are all kidding ourselves if we say we don't like the care concerned. She is invariably closer to me than before, maybe she's obliged to be, but one thing I know she's a good friend. She has been a big part of my life, a fact unknown to many. She has always left me lighter in my senses, and will always be in my head. I'm more than glad for the way things have turned out.

This year, has given me alot of moments to ponder about. And of all the strange things that happened so far, being left alone with Rukshi afterschool is one of them. I'd have never predicted this moment, as weird as it is. It has been ages since we ever actually had a conversation with each other, and I knew we can't just revert back to being good friends. There she was, and there I was, and that's it. For a moment my heart tried to escape the prison of reality and run in to the past, but my brain caught it and stopped it in it's tracks. She sat next to me, and we talked. We talked alot, stuff that we couldn't really catch up on and things we should have shared. We laughed at stupid things. I knew she was being herself, but I wasn't. But the funny thing is that it must have been the same feeling for her. Like all the things that this year is giving me, this too left me in my own realm of thoughts. It's funny that Oshi was just talking to me about my feelings and how I'm starting to show them again in very strange ways. He understands me in ways unobliging to others, I just wish I could be more giving. Well, I know that this is a test thrown in my path, to see if I can stick to the quizzical decision I made and to see if I can cope with my emotions even after. To whoever gave me this test, I'm telling you, I will stick to my decisions and I will keep moving along this path of mine. Because I did what I had to do, for a reason. A reason which I'm yet to figure out. Whatever said and done, I still know that I'm more than capable of making my parents happier in life. There's alot in store for me, and I'm up for it. Let us slip away in time into the valley of happiness.

The only female artist who succeeds to keep me hooked:

Katy Perry

Fav Song:

The One That Got Away

Fav Album:

Teenage Dream

Fav Live Performance:

Firework, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Metamorphosis

Really is this the best way to leak your thoughts out, yep it is. After crying or remorsing, it is the best way. Long time since i last posted, but can't really recall why I didnt post any sooner. I had a thousand and one things to post about but, a thousand and one less minutes of time. Well here I am, and frankly I've got nothing much to say, well to start with.

The last couple of months of my life has revolved around the Prefects Guild, Prefects Guild this Prefects Guild that, and what not. But hey, I know I didn't ask for this, neither did I want or dream of this, but to some twisted fate in me I got it. Now what? Can't keep blaming the system, gotta go with it.

December is here, all over again. I remember her saying how much she loves the December wind, and that was on christmas 3 years ago. The feeling though never gets old. It's frankly odd, this new lease of life that I'm having. But I know it's just for the best, I gotta live with it, like this. "Wars come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal" said Tupac, but "Trouble come and go, but my friends stay eternal" It's them who can grab the two ends of the line written below my nose, and shape it into a semi-circle of happiness. Letting go, is one thing I should realize and acclimatize myself with, being a Buddhist, but it is one of the hardest things to do. I started with letting go of Rukshi for good, knowing that someday somewhere down the line, I am more than capable of making my parents happier. And the other, on a lighter note, is letting go of facebook. What kind of a bullshit remark is that anyways, but here I am the same, but with one less friend for all of my online friends.

Sometimes, I try to be Machiavellian in my doings, and I seem to have got an inch of a hang at it, but more rather than not, it has left me pondering for hours after. Because once I try to start changing who I am, I start questioning my consciousness. Eventually, I understand that even change should come in sizable doses.

Shit happens. But life goes on, but at one point in the latter stages of 2010, I couldn't take it anymore. But then I realize, everything that happens, seals a lasting impact on the person I aspire to be. The crap we get now, is like pebbles along the path to many people, and I know that by learning how to kick away those pebbles I will one day learn how to tackle the boulders. but till I am ready to take on the boulders, let's just capitalize on kicking the crap out of my life.

The only thing I have left in me, is Lord Buddha, My Parents, My siblings, My bokkas and Hope for an year that will morph my life for good.

Yeah

I will, and I will work from today onwards, to reach my goals.

My Failure, is My Pillar of Success.

I don't live in a Utopia, Nobody does

Life is not all about happiness, joy and success. It's about that, and sorrow, failure and disappointment. Life is not a Utopia, though we may all think it is. This has been my over-cliched phrase but I guess i have to say it again "If there's a climb, theres bound to be a fall" and the only thing you can do on your part, is to bounce back. You get knocked, you get ashamed, you get the icy feeling in your stomach over and over again. Why? Beacause your afraid of what other people might think, what they might say. But then you, but then I, realize that it's no worth pondering about other people, when its MY life.

Exams are an important part of our lives, whatever said and done. Exams can get you to places, make you someone, but it can also destroy your system. Sometimes it makes we wonder how we judge ourselves by what we write on a piece of paper for 1 and half hours, wheras the actions we do are sometimes turned a blind eye on. But, that's the law of life, if it's written on a paper, there's proof. Proof that you studied your butt off and wrote your best in that tiny space of time. Wheres the proof that you worked your butt off to make the place we live in better for others?

It's just the mind that I have to control, I guess this disappointment will leave me solaced for a few days, but it will also help me become a better person. I'll realize the realities of life, I'll understand things better, and I definitely did learn a lesson. It's always easier said than done to forget things and get back on track, but that's exactly what needs to be done. Disheartening to know that I couldn't live up to the expectations of my mum and dad, but it's more than heartening to realize I've got the best parents any human being on this Earth can ever have, and no I'm not saying that for sakes. I mean it, with every cell that I've been made of and every neurone that links to my brain, and with every blood vessel that links to my heart. They are a part of me, they are who I am, and who I will be.

There's lots of things that I have to think of, and take action to. The past week has been filled with drama. Being the head boy is definitely not a piece of cake, its a thorn crown. Thorn crown or crown or whatever the hell it is, I've got it and i cant say no. It's time to stop cursing it and realize that it's given me strength to cushion this fall. It's thought me to man up and face anything. And i will face anything, as it comes. It's just the ice in my stomach that I have to melt. Yesterday was another episode, and the man who made sure nothing fell out of place, is my dad. I don't know how in the world i can ever repay for what he's given me. Lord Buddha and my parents, are my saviours, they are the souls that are there for me at any given time. And I realize that it's just them, and a few friends, my darling sisters and certain people that I find to be inspiring. Whatever that I've been thinking of other people, or maybe to be frank, one other person, is wrong. People should know how to comfort, and not be pain in the butt. Seriously, it's common sense enough. Things that really upset me but I guess I'm in for a big revelation in my life. And it's all going to start with letting some things go and embracing the important stuff.

Damn, I'm seriously going to miss Kodda. He's one of a kind, and it's now that we can actually grasp the philosophy behind his words. Im glad everything went well. Indiviuals, Sachitra, Mr.Ghouse. Thanks. Sachitra you are the best Deputy ever. The amount of work you do sometimes goes unnoticed and is even sometimes made fun of, but you do it with heart. That bit I know even if anybody else doesn't. And I guess it's because of your parents. They are GOOD people, really GOOD people. Mr.Ghouse, thanks for giving me the inspiration to look back and say, I dont have to worry. I'll take this as a signal to correct my wrongs, and in your own words "You fall, it's great, you come back 10 times stronger and kick-ass" I will!

12.15

Just a random thought of getting on blogger and typing away, what sort of a feeling does it leave when you're actually done and you look back at the post. It makes you realize that 5 mins back in time, I could've gone to sleep. Now since I'm already typing I can't say that Can I? Rhetorics, I know that I dont want this blog to be seen by most, If not all, but just flowing my thoughts into this realm makes me lighter.

I spend minutes, heavy minutes on trying to reorganize the blog, just knowing that nobody is actually going to look at it, but then again, why do things for others to see. If it makes you happy, you alone, just DO IT. Live is not about keeping other people happy, well not ALL the time. It's about what you want to do. Dont get on a plane, heading for Australia, hoping to do a degree, that YOU dont like. Rather, stay at home, play the piano, read books, and plan ahead. But then again getting on a plane, heading to Australia could be your choice. It could be her choice. It could be what she wants, how can i fathom the thought process behind it. Not like she's getting on a plane, heading to Australia today... Thats almost a year, or maybe more, ahead. And why am i sulking my thoughts on it. Not like I can make a difference, or more importantly not like I should make a difference. It's not my life, and do I ask for anybody elses preferences before doing what I like? If i do maybe I'm acting like a real South-Asian. We put others before ourselves. But hasn't isolationism helped all the big guns, to be big guns? Maybe so, but what fun is it, to live your life alone, when there's a whole world seeking to listen you, help you, get help from you.

Whatever said and done, I believe that, sharing thoughts, and ideas and plans, and maybe even sharing the future is a foundation stone in a relationship. You should be open to each other, atleast more. Just not be part of it for being part of it, well most certainly it's not like that. But, humans like to...! OK why am I even 'trying' to genaralize this, when I know that this is all about ME. okay so, I like to be spoken to more often, made more important rather, and not always be the initiator. To a conversation or to an action, or a simple touch. I'd rather be touched than touch. Rather be hugged than hug. And rather be spoken to than to speak to. Now you see, everything you do is not about YOU, everything you do draws a link to another. Somebody, who you deem to be a part of you, knowing you and acting accordingly. It just cannot be, 'I did this, what do you think?' It should be 'I'm going to do this, what do you think?'... But who are we to talk about being independant and pleasing ourselves, and to ask..or rather force a person to do something, beyond their natural, instinctual will. Instinct I suppose is another thing that surafces from thought. Thought could provoke you, and instinct could hold you back.

We are all....okay, I really should stop generalizing, and why am I even saying it. I am a softer person than the world thinks, I need certain things, not ask for them, but just get them. And sometimes when i do go for something, my 17 year mind thinks is right or thinks is in the best atmosphere to do, I get backed down. Is it because Im not good enough, or maybe because the element of trust is missing. Then, I sit back and think. I start to think is a non-selfish way, I start to think in different perspectives, maybe it's fear. And more than that maybe it's personality. Maybe she is not up AT ONCE, for things like that, but the simple fact that she tried, spurs the true emotion of love. I feel special all over again, I could have felt more special but then. Maybe not all people, girls, are the same. And for a fact I know she is not, Because she is 1 in 10 billion.

Stereo Love, Characters revealed!

Wow...have u ever imagined what wow stands for? No i dont know either cause it stands for an expression that cannot be matched by words... words aren't enough to describe the feeling, the emotion and the happiness within it... And if you asked me to describe the prefects trip..i'd just stand there and say WOW! There were too many happy moments, too many bonds, too many smiles, too many experiences, too many rolling on the floor, and too many moments of love... But just ONE family...

Everything has its ups and downs, and I'm more than happy that that we faced the fall before the climb.. Getting through the fall was harder than anything but getting our act together for the rest of the trip was the most important thing... and guess what... get together we did, and made sure that we stuck together. Chamath Norris.. Fake Gucci?! Pretty much tells the tale, the start of the best was with those two names...

And the rest is history baby...Please protect this guild...=P

Empire State of??

Throughout my 17 solitary years on mother earth...i've only had one enemy, and that is none other than, TIME. Time is a silent assassin because you cannot see it moving, until you are dealt with the lethal blow. However, time is an exciting enemy, coz fighting it is always a challenge. And right now, im doing that challenge.

Hey Blog..Its been so long..No cliche intended but seriously its been such a long wait since i thought of starting to blog again, and i must say lots of things have changed. Now if my dear friend oshi sees this, he'll be like "Dude wtf? Its your blog, write your mind out!! and dont try to make other people happy" lol

Dear Blog, i just remembered my lil randy kuku...my kiri menike...my kalu guliya...my ran ran...my nari paal...my toka tokey...my chooti menike...my malliya... Its like randy was sent to us from above for just 3 and a half years, for nothing more but to put a smile back on our faces. He did his bit, more than what the angels from above asked him to..and when he was done, he left us! Just like that, but leaving behind memories that cannot be matched to memories we've had with any other mortal being. Randy was human, he was my, he is my, brother. And we'll never ever ever be apart malliya coz theres a whole artery gushing with bloodlike droplets of love in my heart that tells your tale every time i feel alone. I love our randy. And i never got to thank you, but Thank you...Go make some other family happy and if u have time come give us a visit anytime, coz u know that gate is always open for you...Please!

Should i sleep or do more research? i guess that wasa stupid question..Do more research git..I've put myself in too much of trouble that i have no choice but to go for it...Economic and Finace?? huh ill show u economy...the bio way!! Good Night.