There's gotta be a good life

Got some time to yourself? Think about how many dreams have we stacked up in the store room of our heads? Nobody cared to file them, and now they're a big mess. Waiting to be arranged, Waiting to be deleted. Make space for the new dreams. Live on your dreams but don't thrive on it. A friend once told me "Reality is a lie, Dreams are for real" And now I know that maybe.. just maybe the truth.

But in this "lie" we live, we come across certain moments that deem far more interesting than our dreams. Moments we spend that could be a first or a last. More often than not, it's a last that really touches my heart. Today was another goodbye, a temporary goodbye to a dear old friend who also happened to be my cousin. Whenever I had a problem with my PC and I knew if I interfered I'll screw it up, Dinuka aiya was always one call away. He'd invariably come and fix it with his awesome tech sense. He wasn't the best with expressions. And he didn't pick his words carefully, and sometimes he sounds so cheesy! Haha. But heck he was being himself. Not the sharpest, but probably the smartest.

We got together at the usual family cricket pitch, which also happens to be invaded by passing vehicles. Yeah yeah they call it a road. We've played on this "pitch" since we were as short as the stumps. And memories galore. Dinuka aiya might have probably played his last match on this pitch today. I wonder if he'd ever have this much fun in Aussie. Nah! In Aussie you wouldn't have to jump into a paddy field to fetch the ball, and come out with mud up to your knees! You wouldn't have obese cousins and lazy uncles to joke about and go bonkers all together.

That's when I realized, dreams are a bit too big to digest. Dreams are better stored than dwelled upon. It's the moments that we have to capture and keep close to our hearts. Moments that we may miss if we don't live it. Hope you'll ace it in Aussie, and be back with a Dr. to your name. Miss you I will. But I know there's a good life waiting.

This Valentine.

This Valentine, I won't be the hypocrite I used to be.

Yeah face it I hate the whole concept, how can you trap

all the showings of love and true emotions to just 24 hours.

Love is around us, inside us, and with us, every second and

every minute of the day, every month and every year.

Whatever said and done, we all want it! No questions asked.

Love should not be cornered to couples making sorry sugary love in corners.

Love to me is the feeling I get when my dad praises me, even when I fail

Love to me is the feeling I get when I see the street dogs running to greet me.

Love is the feeling I get when my homie fist bumps me to something awesome.

The feeling I get when the text message recieved reads something purely beautiful.

This year, I won't be showing my sympathies, cause I had a Valentine today, and I loved it =)

The Time

When the Black Eyed Peas sang about it they were merely in it for the fame. But when we sang about it it was straight from the heart. Yesterday night was a hell of a time. Something I wanted I guess. I really wanted some quality fun lately and yep it was good. Sahani's party had it all. The dancing, the re unions, the heart to heart moments and the drinks to go with it. The definition of a good time has all those things, and also thrown in there is the probable scolding from your parents for coming home at 3.30 in the morning. Ah the good life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should be more reserved and not be up and out cause of the role i'm supposed to play at school. But then again if I do that, I'll be kidding myself and I'll be faking my identity. Be who you are huh? Cliche much. But true to the core. I know I have self control and I know my limits, so why not play within those limits and enjoy each moment to it's maximum. Consequences later darling. But when the moment has passed, forget it and then think of the consequences. Just cause I'm being myself it doesn't mean I should take things for granted. Ah I'm trying to be a model of this perfect person in a perfect world. But really how far can I walk in that person's shoes? Not much!

The party yesterday was happening. Me and Navin found the way up to the rooftop, it was dark and deserted but we stepped onto the ledge and just stood there. Stunned and Motionless. The beauty the city below had to offer was just breathtaking and it froze us in that moment. The night sky is something that has been described infinitely by an infinite number of people, but it's still not enough to say how magnificent it is. The rooftop was a perfect place to have a smoke I suppose, but I know Navin doesn't fag and neither do I. Thankfully! So instead we sat on the ledge and had our little chat, girls being the subject inavariably. Darn it. Can't we chat for once without bringing girls in to the play? Well we can't.

Then the dancing. Damn. I've danced like a foo many times before. But never like this. It just went on and on and on. And damn it felt good. Us bunch got into a bunch and sang 'The Time' doing the leg in leg out, and man we made some memories. That's when the booze came in, well secretly of course. I had a beer, martini, vodka and scotch in one night! But hey, moderation baby. Didn't get hit, cause I didn't want it to get hit. Why waste a good night. Me, Chetha and Suhail! It's all about knowing when how much is too much!

I'd have wanted one person to have made it to the party. I don't know why, but a little part of me really wanted to see her. She didn't turn up. But it's okay. I had a moment yesterday that would have been really hard if she was around. It felt good! I think I was maybe a bit hazed by the scotch at that time, but the moment was good.

And then it got late, a little too late. 2.00 in the morning when we finally headed out. And that too not straight home. Went to Oshi's place. Had chocolate and started playing cricket in the road, under lamp posts at 2.00 in the morning!!! How often do you get to do that. Epic. Finally ended up home at 3.30 in the morning. Grounded!! But hey just for Sunday. Life is not so bad after all!

Optimus Prime

My attitude today? Is certainly better. It seems like I'm past a certain phase in my life and is on the verge of stepping on to another, rather better phase. And no the bottle did not help! The past week was like sitting back and watching a mini-movie, where I was starring (a definite flop =P). It had drama: exhaustion, trauma, hyperactivity, disappointment, fun, and the smile at the end. Life.

I've learned to bid goodbye many a times. The most painful was to Sadface, but I also said goodbye to the thoughts and emotions that were lurking in my sub conscious, clawing at my soul. Making me doubt the person who I am right now, and what I would have been. Sometimes making me question whether I'm living the life of my Doppelganger. But I've sent them off, I think I've finally let the barge sail out of my heart. But one goodbye too many it is, Miss.Kaushi is leaving to Singapore tomorrow. And Damn! The person who was there to cushion my every fall, the person who taught me the art of covering things up, who taught me not to let anyone get the better of me, is leaving tomorrow. Here comes that empty feeling again.

It's rarely that a soul other than the four-legged kind gets this close to me, but Miss.Kaushi is my motherly sister. I can't believe she was our French teacher, she was more like the teacher who taught the lesson of Life. The moments the prefects spent in her office, will be stuck for eternity within those walls, reminiscing each time we step in. There's one thing that I'll hardly forget, the Transformer toy she had on her desk, Optimus Prime, it's something close to all the prefects. reminding us of the countless classes we skipped making Miss' Office our bunker. Haha. Good Times.

She gave me Optimus. I couldn't have asked for a better memento. It now stands on my desk, like my motivator, pushing me to work harder.

Wow and I thought I grew up!

Perfectly Sober?

Life is a strange thing allright, it tells you not to get drunk, but gives you a hundred reasons just to be that. Yesterday and today morning gave me the reasons, and now here I am blogging drunk. Atleast I'm sober enough to put sentences in place and I know i've spelled something wrong when the red outline sparks in my face, and that's been happening for quite a while. So why did I arrange the sudden meeting with the bottle?

It's her, and it's us. Rukshi, and the Prefects guild. The two reasons.

First of all seeing her depressed like that, and for some god-damned reason knowing that I have a lot to do with that, makes me blank in thought and in action. The way I've been thought the bodily cause of depression is an influx of serotonin. Really? Screw that, the main cause of depression is the musings revolving around your loved ones. The things that we realize we can't change and we shouldn't. She came up to me and said something that blew me away, if only I could tell her that she shouldn't be sorry, I know she really wanted to tell me something afterschool, but she blurted out just one sentence. One bizarre sentence. I've thought about this enough to build a barge of thoughts, and I still don't know whether i'm ready to set it sail away from the harbor of my heart. Only time will tell?

Secondly, the battering the prefects got from high above. This has become a daily routine within the guild, and I just can't think through on how to put things right. But hey, it's part and parcel of the package I guess. But to me, it's all my fault, I guess I'm not cut out for this whole leading up front business. It just might not be my cup of tea. I try so hard to balance our duties and at the same time make sure that nobody gets hurt in heart. Because my heart has been seared several times and the wounds are still to be healed, and I know what it feels like. I hope my prefects still have faith in me. Will they?

It's less than an hour since the happy water passed my throat, and my head still tips up and down, i certainly can't walk in a straight line, and I made it a point not to look at my mum while talking to her, but I'm perfectly sober within.

What happened in the end, we all got together and put tomorrow in the bottle. Have you ever realized that there is no tomorrow? It's just a condition. Today is today, and as soon as the clock strikes 12.00 it still is today, and not tomorrow. So why worry about a condition, when you can live the moment, live it!

Sadface

Outside my door,

If ever lay hope,

Curled up in sleep,

There you will be,

Giving elixir,

To my broken mornings,

As you ever so solemnly,

Bequeath to me,

A sleepy greeting.

As the dark pearl,

Beholds great charm,

As the barren land,

Beholds abundant life,

As the cold mine,

Beholds pure coal,

Your sad face,

Beholds loving embrace.

There was that time,

You romped and played,

With your kind,

With our hearts,

But you were left helpless,

Against the dogs,

Who Stained your childhood,

Made you bear their future.

And now you lay,

In pain and sorrow,

Afraid to loose,

What you never had,

The lives that grow inside you,

Have silently bid goodbye,

But do you know?

_______________________

Sadface, so named because of the sad look written on her face, is an innocent female dog. Rather a puppy to us. She greets me daily with a yawn, as I step out of the house in the morning. She reminds me that the simple things in life should be treasured. But now, she's carrying puppies inside her: dead pups. The vet says, if the rest of the pups don't come out, the situation will take toll. Sadface is too young to be blessed with motherhood, but the cruel dominant male dogs never cared. I pity the way things are meant to be. Sadface is not our dog, she's a stray dog that we feed. We lost our Randy almost 6 months ago, please Sadface don't let us go through the pain, all over again. Be strong, in this frail world.

Life is Cricket. Cricket is Life

Actually. It is. I don't know whether it's the fact that I was born into this part of the world, or the fact that it's absolutely breathtaking: Cricket is an obsession. And the obsession is just reaching it's annual highs this time of the year. The World cup around the corner and knocking on the door, i spend most of my days playing cuts, pulls and drives in mid-air.

Cricket is simply 'the' sport, ever since, I was attracted to it like nothing else. I may have an unhealthy obsession, but sadly enough, the days I used to play for the school team my run rate was equally unhealthy. I had the passion, but I can't say I had the best of talent when it comes to batting. The days I used to play for the team, it was a mix bag of emotions. Alot of let downs, a lot of disappointment, and a lot of bruised limbs. But being in the game was what mattered the most. Going to the pitch, taking your run up, looking at the batsman with a fiery glance, and bowling the perfect seamer was all I was in for. I loved my bowling. To my dad, I used to be the arrow. Nicknamed so because of the steaming fast bowling action that I used to have. At some point I lost it. And how ever much I try, I can't produce the same pace.

There is one little incident, that really had an emotional impact on me. I broke my old pair of cricket boots (used for 4 years) and wanted a new pair of studded boots. My dad, as always, went out of his way to spend on the new boots at that time, because he never fails to know what makes me happy. But the very next day was squad selections, and I missed it. I missed the one opportunity to have my comeback as the opening seamer, but I lost it. And to this day, I haven't had the time or the heart to wear those boots. It hasn't yet tasted the mud and grit of a cricket field. I hope the day will come.

The two most memorable moments: Coming down the track and lofting a spinner for six, and bowling the perfect in-swinger and knocking down the middle stump.

Cool scene, I signed up for volunteer service for the World Cup. Running around a bit I don't mind at all, cause I get to watch the matches from the VIP stands, and get Sri Lanka Cricket shirts and security passes to meet the players. Somebody kick me into reality =P Cricket will always remain in my heart as my passion, my motivation and my want for the rush of adrenaline. Long live the game, and long be victorious the Lankan Lions.